See, I said I took photos of my hair. I was a little sad that I couldnt have gone with blonde on top, but some of us apparently make very ugly blondes. Im content with how it came out though. Its something different from brown anyway. You should all expect me to be back to brown in a couple of months though. Im getting too old for weird hair colors (says the girl who's had it every color but green).

On another note, Corrine told me that The Boy wants to meet me when he's home (he will be home as early as this weekend). To meet for coffee or something would be okay I think. I trust he's not going to murder me and chop me into bits. On one hand Im all "omg someone wants to meet me this must mean Im interesting". On the other hand Im being all cool, or at least trying to be. I cant put too much thought into these things or I will start to worry. If I start to worry I'll become a mess, so I will just put it out of my head and be done with it.

My breakfast today was a leftover piece of chicken and three cupcakes. Its a good thing that I had planned on going to the gym today. I believe I know the reason that Im overeating, I have an oral craving. By that I mean my mouth wants to kiss and whatnot, so to compensate for that I keep shoving food into it. It seems weird to me, I dont think I've ever actually heard anyone talk about it before. I mean, when people try and quit smoking this happens, but I dont think I've ever heard of it happening when someone just wanted to suck a dick. Then again, Im a strange girl.

I took pork chops out of the freezer last night to thaw for supper today, but when I woke up today it clued in to me that (I think) today is Shrove Tuesday and Catholics are supposed to eat pancakes. Since I am cooking for three Catholics, I should feed them pancakes. The porkchops will have to go into the fridge until tomorrow. Its not like pancakes are difficult to make or anything, I have the best from-scratch pancake recipe, eh Millie?

I should shower now, ugh.

Bleck to writers block. I have tons to say but cannot find the words.

I made cupcakes today. Cupcakes and supper.

I suppose the big deal today is that I bought a green shirt for my uncle's wedding in March. Green. I dont own anything green. I dont like the color green, but it was the nicest top in at Reitman's. Naturally I had to buy a necklace and earrings to go with it. I can just wear it with black dresspants that I already own, even though I really need new dresspants. The problem is that my hair is now violently red, so I dont know how Im going to pair it with green. I am not going to color my hair back to brown just for the wedding. I guess I'll have to pin it back or something. Hrm.

I took photos of my hair earlier, I might post some later if I feel the urge.

I feel all bleh and depressed right now. I've been sooky and pissy since Mom threw her tantrum earlier and it totally ruined my day. Maybe more tomorrow.

I am tired and cranky and I dont want to talk about it. While Im waiting for my laundry to finish washing, I've been doing this:

I feel fat. I havent been to the gym in over a week (because I was sick) and I've not been making the healthy eating choices that I would like. Back on track after Sunday though (family event on Sunday), especially since Monday will be measurement day at Curves. Ugh. I dread it already.

So we went car shopping yesterday. In the snow. Actually, it wasnt snowing when we left the house, by the time we got into the Nissan dealership the weather was horrible and I was afraid (If you knew how I was just after my accident in May/04, that's how I am now in the weather) because his Cav is a shitbox with crappy breaks and even crappier tires. We made it there, though, without getting in an accident. They had a two door, 2002 Sunfire that we took for a test drive (yes, in the snow). Its a silvery beige type of color, really pretty, and the interior is very similar to my car. Even the backseat was fairly roomy, as opposed to the car he's driving now. As far as I know he was going to purchase it today. Updates on that later.

Then we got home and tried to color my hair. Well, my hair is still brown, but my fingernails are pink. Obviously my hair has to be bleached before applying a lighter color. Again, updates later.

I swear today is driving me to drink. And its barely noon.

So tomorrow after work I have to go car shopping with my brother. Yes, my brother needs a new car. The car he is currently driving (that he bought in the summer?), well, the inspection is up the end of the month and it will not pass inspection. The left, front strut-mount is wearing through the frame, and when he had it in to get looked at, the mechanic said "I cant even imagine trying to fix it". So, essentially he was told by the mechanic to buy a new car. But he's got good credit, and he's not looking for anything extravagent. He'd like a two door Sunfire or Cavalier (00-03 models). Those cars are only about $10,000 so the financing isnt all that much. I have no idea why he's bringing me along. When I was originally car shopping all I wanted was a cd player and a cup holder (seriously).

Tonight I was getting ready to dry the dishes and then go to bed and watch Grey's Anatomy when Corrine called and wanted to know if I wanted to go for coffee with her and Steve. I did and we did and it was fun. Now Im going to bed without watching Grey's Anatomy. I dont think I'll be caught up by Sunday because tomorrow I will be going car shopping and then getting my hair done, and I dont know how many episodes I'll get to watch between Friday and Saturday. We'll see.

Last night I had taken chicken breasts out of the freezer to thaw to have for supper tonight. I didnt know what I was going to do with them, but that was what was for supper. So I get up this morning and automatically go to the Kraft website because I knew I'd find something there (Mom gets their magazine and it always has yummy stuff in it), and their recipies are fairly easy to make. So I was going through their recipies when I found this really yummy looking recipe that I needed to try. I knew that the only thing we didnt have was Stove-Top stuffing, so I had to go out and get that, but the rest of the ingredients we had here. I didnt use wine, and I used just the chicken flavoured stuffing rather than the wild rice one it calls for, but omg was the chicken ever good. So easy to make too. Corrine, you had saw that recipe too, I strongly recommend making it.

I followed supper by getting dressed up and going for dessert at Boston Pizza with Kim. It was a much needed excursion. Im only sorry that I have work tomorrow and couldnt stay out later.

The newscaster just said "spark up a joint". I am totally giggling right now.

I want to feel lips pressed against mine, soft and first and then harder. Run your hands down my back, grab my hips and pull me closer. You sit down and I straddle your lap. I run my hands up your neck and grab your hair while I kiss you, hard. You grab my hips and push my down, teasing, I pull away and bite my bottom lip. You know I want you and you just grin. I kiss you harder, taking you by surprise. You push me away long enough to lift my shirt up over my head and toss it aside, then kiss my neck, my chest. I unclasp my bra for you and you kiss lower. I let out a soft moan when you suck on my nipple. I want you badly. I take your chin and tilt it upwards so I can kiss you again. I want you to use your hands to explore my body, and your mouth to kiss mine. You stop us long enough to take off your shirt. I press myself up against you. The bare skin on skin contact is nice. Kissing resumes, you want me as much as I want you and we both know it. You unbutton my jeans and tell me to take them off. I tease that you have to do the same. Jeans get piled on the floor. I can now see the erection that I've been feeling under me for a while now. I look at you slyly and you know what Im thinking. I kneel in front of you and give you what I know you've been waiting for. I let you tell me how fast to go, how hard to go. You moan slightly when you're almost there and I stop, lift my head and smirk. There's no way you're getting off that easily. I lay back onto the floor and motion for you to get down whith me. My turn. You start by kissing my thighs, getting closer. You're such a tease and you know it. You know just where to kiss, lick, touch. I get exactly what I want, all the way through to the glorious finish. You're proud of yourself, I can tell by your grin. I sit up and kiss you, I love kissing you, you're such a great kisser. I straddle you again, this time you go inside me. I gasp as you enter, even though Im more than ready. Slow at first, I want to kiss your lips and nibble at your neck. You grab my hips. I want you to kiss my neck, chest, breasts. You lick my nipples and I get faster. You feel amazing today and I dont want this to end. I vary my pace, I take you all the way there and then slow down again, until we're both ready. You let me go first so you can watch me and feel me. The rush is amazing, euphoric and at this moment you are the only thing that matters to me. When my body calms and I catch my breath I open my eyes to watch you cum. I love to watch, you never look as amazing as at this very moment, and every time is different. You open your eyes and smile at me when you are finished. I smile back and kiss you again. I get off of you and lay down beside you. You lay back with me and I lay my head on your shoulder. There isnt any need for words and we both know it.

Shopping was way too fun. I probably spent the most, but I didnt go overboard at all. First I bought three t-shirts at Suzy Shier, nothing special. Then we ate, and stopped at Mark's Work Wearhouse where I bought really cute socks. Then I bought a sunglasses and a bag at Claire's. Here's my bag:



After that we spent a great deal of time in City Streets where Corrine tried on jeans and ended up buying a couple of pairs, and a really cute sweater. I made my big purchase here. Behold:



That's right, a pink tweed pea coat with (removable) fur collar. Regular $125, I paid $55. I am so excited and proud of myself. The last time I bought a dressy winter coat was when I was 18, and that was ages ago. So after City Streets we went to Reitmans where Amanda bought two pairs of jeans. Then we dropped Corrine off at Steve's and came home. It was quite a fun afternoon!

Today is great! I went into H&R Block to file my tax return and walked out with a $300 cheque. Last year Mom's friend did my taxes and I didnt make half that. I totally recommend H&R Block.

According to the Weather Network website, with windchill, it is currently -24°C. Titty bit nipply for sure.

Im bored. I suppose I could put laundry away, but that requires effort.

Corrine called me before, I was very excited, she's on the island now!

So the US is against Iran when it comes to Iran having nuc-u-lar weapons, but is siding with Iran when it comes to discriminating against the GLBT community. (article) Horray for the progressive western world!

My brother's car was not in the driveway when I was leaving for work at 6am this morning. I know he was going out but I had thought they were taking someone else's car because his is falling apart (yes, he needs a new car, stories on that later). Im curious to know what his story is.

I started my workday yesterday with a "Get Well Soon" e-card from Kim. It made me feel all snuggly inside and was much appreciated. In fact, last night I actually had a good night's sleep and today Im mostly just coughing. Yay, getting better!

I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but if you've ever seen Christophe comment here, (or even if you havent) you should totally read his blog. He's currently travelling and updating with stories that are fun to read. He writes very well, I only wish there were photos.

It is really. fucking. cold. here today. Like, totally unbearable. When Shaun came in he said that the windchill was like -29° Celsius. OMGOMGOMGOMG I totally cannot handle cold like that. Im just glad that I have a newish car that will start when its cold out. If I were driving a shitbox I might have been SOL this morning.

Oh, and Paul got his marks back from his provincial exam that he did a couple of weeks ago. He failed two parts (perm and roller set), the ones that he knew at the time that he had failed. To give him credit though, the passmark was 65%, and for the two he failed he made like 59 and 57 if I can remember correctly. The rest of the practical parts he made in the eighties and nineties, and the written parts I cant remember, but he passed those as well. So he only has to redo the two parts that he failed.

I think Im going to run into H&R Block tomorrow and file my taxes. Last year I only got back enough to pay the registration on my car. This year I hope to get any back at all.

I think I've run out of things to say at the moment, but everybody concentrate real hard and hope that Corrine and Amanda have a safe trip home from Halifax today.

Sore throat = not so bad (but probably still infected)
Ears = more than likely infected.
Nose = kinda stuffy but not drippy.
Muscles = no longer sore.
Breathing = shallow and noisy. Inhaler doesnt do much.
Cough = YAY THE COUGH IS HERE! Oh how I adore the cough. I so love the deep, chesty, full of mucus, right from the lungs cough that I get when I get sick. This is the type of cough that cough medicine or lozenges do NOTHING for because, those things are deisgned for throat coughs, not lung coughs. Hurrah for the lung cough. I can tell you're all jealous.

And with that, I go to bed. Having to wake at five is lovely when you're sick.

Blogger seems to be seriously frigging up. Earlier today I posted this:

One thing that I never really mastered in all of my (almost twenty-five) years on the planet is blowing my nose. No, really. Before you get all "OMG!" on me, consider that I only ever breathe with my mouth, so I dont need to worry about my nose being stuffy. As long as I dont have mucus dripping out of my nose (mmm) I am good to go. Today, at work, just wiping my nose wasnt cutting it, so I had to go to the bathroom and blow my nose. I did it so hard my left ear popped and it gives me more sniffing leverage.

I dont know why I felt the need to share that, but now you know me just a little bit better. We should totally snuggle.

and noticed that Blogger had deleted the post that I made yesterday. Sure, I was annoyed, but I was keeping an open mind. So I get home and check to see if I can see the post on this computer and no, I cannot. Better yet, it was showing today's post, but when I clicked the edit button I got an error that the post didnt exist on the database! Grrr.

Sick.
Cold.
Tired.
Stuffy nose.
Sore ears, throat, back, neck.
Ugh.

I am definately getting sick. I think its kind of sad that I can self-diagnose an ear/throat infection as soon as I get it. I also dont think its fair to be getting sick again after only being sick a month ago. *pouts*

On the upside, Corrine was giving me info about The Boy last night which I feel is promising. He wants to meet me when he comes home! Although, he wants her there cuz he's really shy (too cute!), which is perfectly fine for two reasons: 1. I love Corrine, and 2. I am totally shy with people that I dont know. Like, I said, promising. I was telling Janice the other day, I can totally see myself liking this guy, and when I showed her his pic on Hi5 she agreed that he looked like my type. We'll see how this goes. And Kim offered the other night that she can still hook me up with her (and Rin's) co-worker. So I have a backup plan AND a new friend, if nothing else.

I didnt make it to Curves yesterday, but I think I'll make it a point to get there today. And Im thinking pancakes for supper. Mmm.

I would be lying if I said that I wasnt a little bit disappointed about last night. I mean, my hopes were set so high, and then I was left rushing around with ugly hair, rushed makeup, and whatever clean that I could throw on. Rushing around like that automatically makes me pissed off, and knowing that I was late for our reservation, and that the other carload was there waiting for us made me feel horrible. It was not a great start to what I wanted to be a spectacular evening. Even at the restaurant, they had us seated in a way that you could only really talk to the people directly beside or in front of you (I was not impressed with this), and then the disappointing drinks, and slow service was not making me feel any better. I will say though, I ,in no way, blame my disappointment on anybody I was out with last night. Well, other than my brother for screwing up my hair and making me late, it wasnt anybody's fault, and I tried my damndest not to act pissy, because I wanted so badly to have a good time. And I did, dont get me wrong. I had fun last night. I was wishing I could have stayed out later, especially once I found out that I didnt have to be at work at seven like I had originally thought. Reading blogs and LiveJournals this morning though, I think Amy said it best:

Would have been nicer if there was a boy sitting at the table with me (not that Paul doesn't count... well he doesn't in this case I suppose) it would have been better but whatever. I didn't feel lonely on Valentines Day and that's all that matters.

It was very easily the best St Valentine's Day that I've had in years, and I got to spend it with some of the best people that I could ask to spend time with. It didnt matter that it was V's day and I dont have a boyfriend (although it is starting to get to me). It mattered that I was out, with people, having a better time than I ever did on V's Day with my ex.

This needs to happen more often. Even if its just going and getting hot caffinated beverages and parking at the Y some evening. Speaking of which, Corrine's home next week and we totally need to do coffee.

[EDIT] My body decided this evening that I should have a cold. So now Im seriously poor AND sick. Ugh, this week is gonna be unfun.

I am so tired I can hardly think straight, but I called work when I got home and they told me that I dont have to start tomorrow until noon (rather than seven) so I can take a few minutes before I go to sleep.

Tonight was a lot of fun. It wasnt as fun as I had hoped, only because I started the evening pissed off that my hair wasnt done right, and I was running about twenty minutes late. That made me all irate and did not give me a good start to the evening. Everything else went well though. Well, Tommy wasnt working the bar, so our shots were made wrong, as were the first drinks that we all ordered. The food was great though, and the waitress server-wench was a good sport even though we were making fools of ourselves and causing a scene (Paddy Murphy, anyone?).

I also forgot to post earlier that Amy was my valentine and we traded gifts today. She got me awesome gifts that made me very excited.

I have a tiara, AND a sash that says princess. But my titties are too big for that.

Sleep now..

I just relized that this post is number five hundred and twenty-one. I am sad that I missed five hundred. To make myself feel better, I present this:

Jenna -- [adjective]: Sexually stunning 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

And one more:

You fit in with: Atheism Your ideals mostly resemble those of an Atheist. You have very little faith and you are very focused on intellectual endeavors. You value objective proof over intuition or subjective thoughts. You enjoy talking about ideas and tend to have a lot of in depth conversations with people. 40% scientific. 100% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Too cute! Molly is laying against my leg at the end of the bed. Rather than hang her head off the bed while she sleeps she just leaned back a little and is using my foot to hold her head up. I wish I could take a pic but if I move she'll get annoyed.

I was just speaking with a customer, who had to go and get a pen, or as he called it "an instrument of mass documentation". Im a nerd, I laughed out loud.

I have called Boston Pizza and made an 8:30pm reservation in my (last) name for a party of nine, just in case Amy can come with us.

Too funny: I went on my lunch to visit my brother, but he was not at his desk (and Michelle didnt know where he was), so I sat in his seat to wait. Then Michelle started laughing because someone from across the room messaged her and informed her that "Paul is out front smoking with Tasha, in case you or his sister was looking for him". My brother obviously has a secretary.

Also, during my visit, the guy who I nearly pucked the shit out of on pub crawl for calling my brother a fruit, was telling about the time that he went to a gay dance. He said to just watch the girls. I said, "Yeah, watch the girls ignore you".

So yeah, Janice and I went out last night for coffee (water and a bagel in my case) which turned out to be a shot for ice cream (and a burger in her case). Up until we discovered the accident scene we were having an awesome night. During our coversations (about boys) I had a revelation: I am not going to date a guy who's not willing to treat me like a princess. Seriously, I deserve that. I have never been treated that well before and I would like to experience it. There have got to be guys out there who are single and have the maturity to treat a girl like she deserves. I just need to find him.

Speaking of being a princess, Kim came up with the wonderful idea of wearing tiaras and things when we go out on Tuesday. I am on that like a fat kid on a smartie! I was planning on getting all skanked up anyway, so that totally works for me. I get so excited over this stuff :D

Janice stopped by after work and we went for coffee. That turned into a trip to Burger King (and McDonald's for McFlurries) and a couple of shots. Anyway, on the way home we ran into a really bad accident in the Pier. It was right off of the overpass, in front of where that furniture/carpet place is. A two-door turquoise Sunfire (the 95-02 model) was wrapped around the pole and the firemen/paramedics were using the jaws of life on it. We saw them using the jaws of life, but we didnt actually see them pulling anybody out of the car. There was also a small, older model pickup truck that was on its side (on its side) that was almost in front of the side street next to the gas station. The ambulance that was more by the car (the one that we saw them putting a stretcher in) left with no lights or sirens on. The other ambulance, that was closer to the truck left with lights on. Other than the truck being on its side, there didnt appear to be any reason that people would have gotten really hurt, but I honestly cannot see how anyone out of that Sunfire could have survived. The pole was where the driver's seat should have been. It was bad.

And it was Janice and I, and she was getting all emotional, while I completely looked past the human element and thought it was interesting as hell. I cannot wait until the newspaper does a story about it so that I can find out exactly what happened. There's no doubt in my mind that speed was a factor, and more than likely, alcohol as well. Tonight turned out to be rather exciting.

Four jobs I've had:

• Flier Delievery person
• "tour guide" at the Fort for two summers
• Ron Weber
• Stream

Four Movies I can watch over and over: (not necessarily movies that I like the best)

• The Goonies
• Sixteen Candles
• Pretty In Pink
• The Breakfast Club

Four Places I've Lived:

• I've only ever lived here.

Four TV shows I love:

• Grey's Anatomy
• House
• Law & Order: SVU
• CSI

Four places I've vacationed

• Um... PEI
• We're po'

Four of my favorite dishes:

• baked fish
• clam chowder
• pork chops
• pasta in white sauce

Four sites I visit daily:

• LiveJournal
• Fark
• Slate
• CNN

Four places I would rather be right now:

• with a boy
• in bed (not necessarily with a boy)
• Halifax shopping (stolen from Rin)
• somewhere in Europe, perhaps Berlin

Im not going to tag anyone specifically, but if you're a reglar reader, consider yourself tagged :)

Horray! I got paid and I have enough money to pay bills AND have money left over. Although out of the money that I have left over I cannot afford to get my oil changed, get my nails done, and go out on Tuesday. I have to call the dealership today to cancel the oil change obviously (some things are more important). I really look forward to going out on Tuesday and having a drink. I have no idea who's driving yet (I have not planned that far ahead), but I'll see if my brother will drive, even if we have to go in my car. I have to remember to invite Janice, too..

Oh! Since Amy asked me to be her Valentine I need to get a present. This will be my lunchtime project. I dont need to eat.

Speaking of Valentine's, I read a really great article about St. V's Day that kind of sums up my position on the whole day. The last paragraph rather define's my feelings perfectly:

I’m not a big fan of February 14th and believe plenty of other people would agree. Look, I’m not saying being single is super-fantastic: Of course I’m still jealous of people who get to go home to someone who loves them and who never have to experience sitting between two strangers on an airplane. But this year on Valentine’s Day, instead of feeling extra-jealous of my hooked-up friends, I’m going to relish my lack of awkward couple dynamics and make-the-day-perfect pressure and kick back a bit.

My stats are weird. Like, I was checking earlier and I saw this: Ontario, Ottawa, Canada hlfxns0149w-142177152095.ns.aliant.net (142.177.152.95). If the person is reading from Ottawa, why would the ISP be Aliant NS? I question them sometimes. (We wont mention the paranoia I face when realizing that there's actually more hits from NS than I know people who read)

Nonetheless, while drying the dishes, I turned and caught my reflection in the window and was impressed with my titties. I was wearing my jammies and no brassier (I like that word) and saw that even though my titties are small, they're perky and cute. Or at least in this shirt they are. Do I talk about my titties too much? I obviously care too much about body image. If it makes up for it, I also think that I look cute with a ponytail.

I even made supper tonight. Supper consisted of pancakes because its the easiest thing that I can make from scratch (yes, pancakes from scratch). It was good and now Im full. Speaking of food, I had a thought earlier today. I went to McDonald's for lunch and got chicken mcnuggets and honey for them. I have no idea why I get honey for my chicken. I would never think, at home, to dip chicken in honey. The thought actually kind of disgusts me. But mcnuggets? Honey is the only way to go. See, Im strange. Proof also is that Im going to bed now (at quarter after eight, awesome).

Im tired. Physically and emotionally tired. There are things that I want to post, but Im too tired to compose words at the moment.

The concert was good, amusing. My little cousin (she's taller than I am by inches) got both Miss Congeniality (actually she tied with the girl who got queen) and second runner up. None of the other girls that I knew placed or got anything, but I was rooting for Helen to do well and she did. I forgot my camera, so no pictures, sorry.

Oh. My. Gosh.

So my supervisor comes up to me a little while ago and says "You have a friend Corrine, eh?" and I laugh and say that I do, and then we confirmed it was the same Corrine and my supervisor says "Yeah, because your name came up in conversation over the weekend." So yeah, this is when I freaked out. I cant handle comments like that. Like, what the fuck conversation was she having about me? Obviously it was with her son, because Corrine came up in the same conversation. I hop on web messenger and set my nick for Rin to message me when she comes online cuz I needed to talk to her. So during our conversation she brings the guy into it (!!!!!). This is when I start freaking outloud (to Marcus of all people, I wish Cecelia was in today) cuz Im still all paranoid at the thought of being talked about (dramatic, no?). So that's fine, the three of us are just talking and whatnot when Corrine goes offline due to a "dead battery" and leaves me alone with him (*glare* :P). I talked to him for probably another half an hour before he had to go and do work. I'll give Rin credit, he does seem like a darling. And you'll be happy to know I've added him to my messenger list.

Today is already exciting, and I still have a concert to go to tonight.

I had running around to do today and I thought to stop at Sears to see if there were any parcels, and there was! My brassiers had arrived and I was very excited to get home and try them on. I am very impressed with the Sears brassiers. Four of them are the same style, but different colors and they have enough padding, and give me a nice look. The other one was different and has no padding in it, but I tried it on and it gives really good support so Im keeping it. I also ordered a camisole with a built-in (underwire!) bra that I love. I may need to order another one.

If you see me out and about in the near future, dont forget to take note of my titties!

Im all full of the confidence today. I even took pictures of myself actually smiling. With teeth. (example*) I am not going to give a rundown of Paul's exam. Just suffice it to say that it took six hours of me sitting with my hair wet and he's probably going to have to redo some parts that he figured he might have failed.

I did come away looking pretty damn gorgeous though, if I do say so myself.

Janice came up tonight so I could copy some of her pictures from the other night onto my computer, and to burn a cd. Paul was itchin to get out after spendin the past little while staying in and studying so the three of us headed in to Boston Pizza for drinks. Paul was driving so he had coffee (which he did not get charged for), I ordered a Twisted Rocket (sorry no pictures), and Janice got an Appletini to try, which didnt end up being that great. The next round we both had Twisted Rockets and we got to chatting with the bartender (he's from town) and we inquired as to how much shooters were. Shooters are $5.55! He finished the sentance with "..which is kinda steep." Obviously we were not paying that much for a shooter. He offered to make us something special and we kind of looked at each other and he said "Its on the house", so naturally we agreed. He started mixing red and green Sourpuss, and some blue liqueur and maybe other stuff, in a shaker with ice and brought six shots to the table. That's six shots, at $5.55 each, is almost $35 worth of liquor we got for nothing. Anyway, he said they were called Pornstars and OMFG were they ever good. Kim will be impressed that I did shots yet again. Im getting good at this. I will have them again, $5.55 be damned.

I didnt leave drunk, or even tipsy, but I did feel damn good. Janice and I decided that this will become a frequent affair.

Oh! And on Valentine's day Boston Pizza will be serving their pizzas shaped like hearts. I need to experience this.

*I was too lazy to crop the camera out of the shot. Deal.

This article gave me the heebie-jeebies. The thought of a three to ten foot long earthworm seriously makes me shudder.

We were in the kitchen earlier and Paul was putting the colour on my hair while Mom was doing something at the counter and he reminded me that Im supposed to moan while he's shampooing my hair during the exam tomorrow to show that Im enjoying it. I said that I really couldnt see me moaning and my mother told me to just pretend I was having sex. Yes, her exact words. My mother told me to fake an orgasm. I really dont know if I can handle her growing up like this.

So I've slept off my alcohol and I still consider it to be my best night out in a long time. Thank you girls. Anyway, things are looking hopeful on the boy* front. Kimberly has a guy that she works with who she says is supercute (and a darling to boot) that she wants me to go in and check out sometime so that she can hook me up. I will do this when there is live racing again (she takes bets at a horserace track). I've heard her mention this guy before in stories from work and she has always had good things to say about him. And I know that none of my friends would hook me up with guys that they thought were idiots. Not after my ex, we dont want me in that situation again. (They agreed, last night, that since I've broken up with him I look so much better. They used the word glowing)

Oh, I filled them in on Corrine's idea of setting me up with my supervisor's son and Janice and Kim agreed amongst themselves that I really dont want to go there. I say, I've seen pictures of him and he's cute! If its just a hookup his mother doesnt have to know :P Seriously though, I'd have to meet the guy to even really consider it, so that goes on the back burner.

Then we got to talking about the guy Janice works with who I, no I dont have history with him, but there was a thing a while back. Anyway, this guy is gorgeous. Fucking gorgeous. I saw him reciently and had to catch my breath, even after this long (and seriously not still wanting him). So anyway, this guy and Janice talk at work and she is now going to make it her mission to hook me up with him (despite his girlfriend who apparently is a whore). I am not going to complain, sex with this guy would be nice, like scratching an itch that I've had for a while (no I've not fucked him before, just wanted to). Nonetheless, Im not going to dream, I need to live in the now.

In the more immediate future, there's the guy that is friends with Janice's boyfriend who I dont like, but has made it clear on multiple occasions that he's wanted to hook up with me. Im at the point where I'll fuck him for fucking's sake. That sounds harsh, but its not me being a bitch, its me needing that contact with a guy and taking up a guy on a previous offer. Like I said, I dont particularly like the guy, and I cant say that he's ugly, just not somebody I'd normally go for. Honestly this guy has a nicer body than any guy I've gone for before, including my ex. So yeah, and I keep hearing how great a lay he is, and believe me I need that. Janice can make that happen. Janice will make that happen.

If you're wondering how Im going to handle the situation at work with the boy that I like, well, it kind of kicked in my head yesterday that he's all talk and no action. He talks like a bigshot to me, but its all talk. Boys who are all talk annoy me. Actually yesterday I even sarcastically said to him that I thought he was all talk. If Nick figured it out, than Im sure this guy knows and was using the situation to boost his own ego. Guh, that gets under my skin. Actually, Im going to keep Nick's comment that this guy is not much looping in my head when I see him. It wont take long.

And there you have it. I learned yesterday that breakdowns are easier to get through when you dont just cocoon yourself in your own self-pity. I do have a support system there, its just getting over my own issues with reaching out to the people that I know care about me. Now Im hungry.

*I say boy, but keep in mind that the guys that catch my fancy are all my age or older.

I love my friends. Seriously, love them. I have not felt so good about myself in a long time. I had almost forgotten what it was like to actually get out and socialize. These girls are so fun AND they told me what I needed to hear to really lift my spirits after the horrible mid-day that I've had. I am way tired (being up for twenty-two hours will do that), but I need to get out more often.

I feel so much better! I went to Sydney with Amy and we went to Harvey's to eat because she needed greasy food (I had a veggie burger), you know how that is sometimes. Then we shopped at the two sex stores where she made a large purchase and I bought a keychain and some lube. After that we roamed around the Dollarama and then the Bulk Barn and had tons of fun! It totally got me out of my funk from earlier, especially when she asked me at Sobey's to be her Valentine! Yay I have a Valentine :D

Then I came home and Nick was after messaging me asking me what was wrong (cuz of my nickname) and I gave him the abriged version of the story. I wouldnt admit to who the guy was, even after he correctly guessed it. I guess Im that obvious *sigh* But anyway, its nice to have a guy friend tell you things like this:

Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! said: Why are you feeling sorry for your self hunny?
.jenna. said: oh cuz there's a boy that i like that i think is seeing someone else. that type of thing
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: Ya
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: had that a few times
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: but that is ok hunny
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: your sooooooo sweet and nice you can just about have any guy you like
.jenna. says: you say that, but i havent had anything since i broke up wiht my ex in july
.jenna. says: its startin to get to me, ya know what i mean?
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: Yep but
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: Hooper gave me some good advice a while back
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: Never think too hard about it and just go about your business and some day it will happen and you won't even know whats going on!
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: trust me
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: I listen to guys
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: we all think you are somthing special!
Dr. Nick- Canadian Tire Mission! says: that is the word anyway

How could that not lift my spirits? Like, its awesome to get out with girls and whatnot, but sometimes you just need a boy to tell it to you.

Drinking very soon :D

Is there something wrong with me when my day can start with me all giddy and elated and then quickly have me turn upset and depressed? Remember a couple of weeks ago when I was talking about the guy that I like and how he practically was assuring me that he wasnt seeing this chick? Well, today, I just got the impression that there quite possibly is something going on between them and I honestly dont know what to do with myself. They offered me VTO half way through my shift and I took it, regardless of the fact that I seriously cannot afford it, just so that I dont have to see or talk to him. At least Im off the next three days and wont have to deal with him, but what a way to ruin a long weekend.

Why do I do this to myself? I mean, I've been doing relatively fine since my breakup, but then I let myself fall for this guy. As much as I dont want anything serious with anybody right now, I went and let myself fucking fall for him. Shows how easy I am when a guy knows how to talk eh? But then again, what would he want in me? Its not like Im pretty. Or talented. Or interesting. I feel totally worthless today. What did I do to deserve to have to live this life? To have to be this person? I seem to only attract losers, and I fall for guys who dont want me. Im tired of this, this, goddamn bullshit. Seriously, life is overrated.

I cant wait until tonight when I can drown this all in vodka. I doubt that I'll want to talk about it out loud, even though I'll be with close friends, because I am embarassed that I let these things happen to myself. I should be stronger than this. I shouldnt let myself fall for guys like that (this isnt the first time). I should know better. But I dont. I let a boy sweet-talk me and things like this happen. I need to go cry.

Listen to the song Black and Blue by Counting Crows and you'll get a better understanding of how I feel.

So today, we were talking at work, and a woman who sits near me (Hi Millie!) mentioned something about my blog. It was surreal. I know that people from my real life read this, and it doesnt bother me. I just dont like to talk aloud about most of the things that I post here, which is why they go here, and not to real people. That said, by posting things here, they are being read by real people, some that I know very well, not so well, and not at all. I suppose, in a way, I am telling everybody everything, Im just doing it in a roundabout way. I dont normally tell people that I blog, I think that would be bragging, or advertising myself. If people stumble upon this, that's fine, I welcome readers, and I really appreciate comments (seriously). Its the weirdest thing ever though, when out of the blue, out loud, someone mentions reading what I write. And honestly people, some of this shit can easily be classified as my most intimate thoughts.

Other than accidentally brushing by or against someone, I have no physical contact with anybody. I literally mean that I have no physical contact with any other humans. I think this is part of what leaves me lonely.

Drunk tomorrow AND off Sunday!

Seriously, I have never been this horny, this wanting ever in my lifetime. Its not "Oh Im horny and I need to get off". Not at all. I have no interest in masturbating, at all. In fact, my vibrator (which normally would be underneath my bed) was put "away" when I was cleaning out the room to paint and its still there. What I want is the boy/girl interaction. I want a boy to be as interested in me as I am in him. I want to be touched, not sexually, just in general. Touch my face, my hair, my arms, whatever. I want to be kissed on the forehead, the cheek, the lips. I want a goddamn hug. I want to flirt, knowing that its going to go somewhere. I want a boy to want me for who I am, not just as a means to get laid.

Dont mistake this for me saying that I want a boyfriend. The last thing that I want is to be in a "relationship". Relationships have a lot of expectations and quite honestly, I dont feel like I can live up to something like that right now. And the last thing that I need at this point in my life is to be in love. I just want to date somebody casually. I think Im ready for more than just to be somebody's easy lay. To tell the truth, Im worth more than that. I deserve to have a guy respect me enough to take me out, ya know? I dont ask for a lot, but I want to be impressed. He's got to show me that he's worth my time.

Sigh.

Two days until drunk.

With all the water I've been drinking lately, Im going to lose my weight just running to go pee.

Marcus was talking about sour soothers candy today at work and it was making me salivate so I hadda go get some when I left work. Now my mouth is all sore from the sour.

My brother was trying to get Karla connected to our network and in the meantime he fucked his own computer right off of the network. I tried to fix it, but wireless aint my thang. The problem is with the encryption. If anybody is familiar with this, contact me please.

"Isolation means that I can learn to grow and think for myself" (Shortpacked)

From experience, isolation leads to way too much thinking.

Totally surreal is having your friend tell you about her boyfriend's friend that just came on the market and is looking for tail, and figuring out that said guy is your supervisor's son. Not that that would necessarily stop me, but it was just way too funny.

Ohmigosh! I am currently downloading the song Whatever by the band Slowburn! I havent been able to find that song since I got this computer and it is one of my favorite songs. Oooh excitement!

[EDIT] Also I managed to find the song Things To Die For by the band Fallacy Flow!!!!!

Three large recycle bags full of clothes and shoes that I dont wear anymore. It may be a snowday, but I at least took advantage of it and got some work done. Score me. Next is to go through my dresser drawers and clean them out (I am running out of room for undiewears!) but that shall be left for another day.

I just placed a $100 order on Sears for bras. These were ones that my mother picked out for me after me saying that I need new ones. I am super excited!

When I got up at 9am to check the status of the weather (still storming) there was a snowplough stuck out on the road in front of our house. It was gone by the time I came downstairs and got my camera though, sorry. Nonetheless, this would mean that I doubt very highly that I will be getting to work today due to weather conditions. SNOW DAY! Ahem. The day will most likely be spent with Paul practicing on my hair because his exam is Monday and the only days he has to practice are today, tomorrow, and Sunday evening.

One part of the exam is where he has to cut my hair. Not trim, but cut, like into a style. This is okay, I know the style he is going to do and it works well on me. He asked me yesterday how short I was willing to go and I said that I wanted to keep the length and he replied with "We'll see...". I dont like that. He could very easily layer all the top part and keep the length. Guh, we'll find out on Monday, wont we.

As an aside, as OCD and particular as I am, I have no problems at all changing my hair, both style and color. I've been known to have all my hair chopped off on a whim, or go from brown hair to vibrant red/orange, to black, to pink without batting an eye. The only color my hair has not been is green. And I have never had a problem with Paul cutting my hair since he's been taking the course, regardless of how many times he's screwed up cuts on my (and only my) hair.

PS: Three days until drinking! I believe we're all counting down.