Is there something wrong with me when my day can start with me all giddy and elated and then quickly have me turn upset and depressed? Remember a couple of weeks ago when I was talking about the guy that I like and how he practically was assuring me that he wasnt seeing this chick? Well, today, I just got the impression that there quite possibly is something going on between them and I honestly dont know what to do with myself. They offered me VTO half way through my shift and I took it, regardless of the fact that I seriously cannot afford it, just so that I dont have to see or talk to him. At least Im off the next three days and wont have to deal with him, but what a way to ruin a long weekend.
Why do I do this to myself? I mean, I've been doing relatively fine since my breakup, but then I let myself fall for this guy. As much as I dont want anything serious with anybody right now, I went and let myself fucking fall for him. Shows how easy I am when a guy knows how to talk eh? But then again, what would he want in me? Its not like Im pretty. Or talented. Or interesting. I feel totally worthless today. What did I do to deserve to have to live this life? To have to be this person? I seem to only attract losers, and I fall for guys who dont want me. Im tired of this, this, goddamn bullshit. Seriously, life is overrated.
I cant wait until tonight when I can drown this all in vodka. I doubt that I'll want to talk about it out loud, even though I'll be with close friends, because I am embarassed that I let these things happen to myself. I should be stronger than this. I shouldnt let myself fall for guys like that (this isnt the first time). I should know better. But I dont. I let a boy sweet-talk me and things like this happen. I need to go cry.
Listen to the song Black and Blue by Counting Crows and you'll get a better understanding of how I feel.
{Saturday, February 4}
first
