You would think that I would simply adore having a guy who will spend ridiculous amounts of money on me, but I get rather frustrated. Today he bought me these sneakers since I had not gotten sneakers in over two years, and these shoes because I dont actually have nice dressy shoes to wear. This is besides buying all of my stuff at Wal*Mart and then buying us candy at the Bulk Barn, AND taking me and Corrine out for supper. Yes, I actually fight with him to not spend so much money on me. Yes, we've discussed it and he's not trying to buy my affection, but it seems like this is his way of providing and taking care of me, or at least that's how I came to understand it. This does not mean that I am at all comfortable with sending him to the poorhouse and will continue to argue that he does not need to purchase me things on a regular basis.

Funny story, today was the first time that I had shopped at Footlocker since I broke up with my ex (no, he no longer works there) and Frankie was talking to Laurie, who's worked there since long before my ex did, and knew him quite well. When we were going through the checkout she asked me if I had talked to my ex lately and I was honest and said that I havent talked to him since I broke up with him. What struck me was that she said "Yeah, I never understood why you were with him". I'll be honest, I had a wow reaction. We talked about him some more and how she thought he was an alright guy to hang out with, but a "pain in the ass to work with". Naturally, I wasnt shy about saying that he was a miserable boyfriend.

See, Frankie is constantly telling me that Im beautiful and hot and sexy and sweet and funny and smart and way too cute, and Im actually starting to believe it. The more I believe this stuff about myself, the more I realize that my exboyfriend is a miserable excuse for a human being and I was (and am) way too fucking good for the likes of him. I was the best thing that could have possibly happened to him and he abused it and pissed it away. His loss. Luckily, I have found someone who appreciates and respects me, and, because I was treated so badly before its not something I will take for granted. He's amazing...

*graphic*

...In the bedroom as well. Yes, yes I've been saying that for the past month, but I cannot believe how good it was the past two nights. It just seems to be getting better. I came six times last night. Six times! One of those times was literally one thrust in, and I was gone. I even said out loud "Ohmigod, I cant even last longer than ten seconds". This is only missionary position! Not that missionary is the only position we've done. We've also dabbled in me-on-top and doggy style, but missionary is still what does it for me. Normally, while Im being railed I touch and play with my breasts, tonight I even went so far as to stimulate my clit while he pounded away. Oh my effing wow. Its not that I've never done that before, but I've never done it missionary with anyone who wasnt too lazy to keep it up for more than five minutes before I'd have to get on top. Its difficult to stimulate your own clit while you're trying to leverage yourself AND concentrate on rhythm at the same time. Tonight though, man, I actually lost count how many times he got me off tonight. Okay, time for bed before I start getting all emo and mushy about him.

Okay, I think it is safe to say he effed my brains out tonight. Wow. Effing wow.

I hate this. I was up until 3:30am, drunk, and I still cannot sleep past 10am. So much for sleeping away my Sunday morning. *huff* Anyway, as always, before I get into my issue, I'll give some backstory. I was out with some friends from work last night, and we started at the pool hall and moved on to the bar next door to work. The bar essentially sucked, the band was country which turned me off right away, but we stayed for a while and hung out on the upstairs balcony and talked. Well, until I got upset that I kept missing my boyfriend's calls*, not realizing my phone was on silent rather than vibrate. When I finally got a hold of him I somehow got it in my head that I should go back to the pool hall, where he and his friend were, and basically tore out of there.

I get to the pool hall and he's after being told to not allow me to have any more liquor. This is where I get annoyed. I do not get falling down drunk at all, I know when to stop, and I did not appreciate being told that I was not allowed to have any more alcohol. I felt like he was treating me like a child and eventually I got really pissed and sat down next to Ryan with a face on. It was during this time that he got into it with another girl who was there and chewed her out completely (the aforementioned drama). What got me about that was her boyfriend was standing next to me while my boyfriend was chewing her out, and never opened his mouth. I think I'd be pissed at Frankie if he didnt back me up or stand up for me in a situation like that.

Nonetheless, after that whole incident I was still being all pouty in my chair and he spent the next little while apologizing profusely about telling me what to do, and at first I wouldnt go get another drink just to be spiteful but then Pat was offering to buy me a drink because he was going to the bar anyway. Looking back, I should have saved myself the $5 and let Pat buy me the drink, but I handed him my money and told him what I wanted, and actually ended up splitting the drink with Ryan. I usually tend to share my drinks around once I've had a couple.

I really enjoyed hanging out with the work crew. Trev and I agreed that it has got to happen again, only next time we should all start drinking somewhere together and then go out. I cant wait already.

Oh my effen gosh, what a night. I drank a total of six coolers and two, yes TWO tequila shots and Im still coherent. No, I swear I am. There was a lot of drama that you really wouldnt understand unless you knew the parties involved, and the backstories so I wont get into it (it did involve my boyfriend telling someone off), but man what a night.

Taken from an MSN messenger conversation where I admit to him that I have severely low self-esteem:

.jenna. says: i cannot fathom why anyone at all would find me attractive in any way
Frankie says: but I DO find you attractive...in EVERY way
.jenna. says: see that's where we differ
Frankie says: but beauty is in the eye of the beholder...and when I first beheld you, I was taken by you
.jenna. says: taken is a strong word
Frankie says: and true
.jenna. says: and this was back in the day?
Frankie says: yup
Frankie says: and now
Frankie says: and every time I see you or even think of you

Taken, he used a word like taken to describe how he felt when he first saw me over two years ago. And yet, I still feel Im fat and ugly and not worthy of anyone's adoration. I mean, come on, my ex cheated on me with a chick who even I think Im prettier than. Who wouldnt have a complex after that?

The bad thing about having a boyfriend who has a child, is having a boyfriend who's ex will be in his life forever. In my case, said ex is crazy and emailed him today calling him selfish for moving on, and essentially threatening to harass me. I've never dealt with baby mama drama before, any suggestions? She isnt deterring me from seeing him, because I see how hard he's trying to be there for his son, while still being fantastic to me. Im in love with him and its really hard to watch him have to deal with all of it, you know.

I've come to realize that I dont think I actually can sit still. Yesterday, I had the afternoon to sit around and do nothing and I chose to bake cookies. I spent the afternoon baking, and I actually took my last tray of cookies out of the oven and put supper in directly after it. Once I ate, I puttered for a bit and went out. That was my day off. And so far I have no plans for this coming Friday, but after that I wont be stopping until Tuesday of next week. Im not complaining, mind you, between spending time with my new (and totally awesome) boyfriend, Corrine coming home, hanging out with the work girls, and going for Tim's with Kim and Chris, I will have a great time. Okay, bedtime.

Im just sitting here waiting for him to call me so I can go out again. We dont have actual plans, we're just going to sit in and play video games together (ooo how nerdy) because we're both poor, but have the day off tomorrow. And I want to get laid. His presence alone arouses me, is this because we're new, or because Im dating a guy Im crazy about? Either way, Im not complaining.

I do have news! Janice had a little girl! We must welcome little Sarah Adeline into the world. I have not seen her yet, but I am very excited to. Hopefully tomorrow, when Im off.

Corrine's coming home next weekend! I cant wait for Thursday night sobfests Grey's Anatomy, and other such get-togethers. Speaking of get-togethers, the girls from work and I are going out drinking next Saturday. If you could see me, Im grinning evilly.

So Frankie and the boys play pool every Saturday night and I was invited to go along with them (its not just a boy's night, girlfriends are allowed to go), so I planned ahead and invited a couple of work friends to come along and we'd have a great time. And what a great time it was. See, Im not particularly great at pool. I dont suck horribly, I just have this bad habit of rushing my shots and effing them up. If I let myself take my time I can actually play well. Friday night, Frankie and I had gone and played pool by ourselves and he won every one of the five games that we played. This sets up last night. We get there and he and I play a game. I win. I then play his friend Dave, and I win. So Pat goes up against me, and I win. At this point Frankie decides to play against me again, and again I beat him. It was kind of amusing, and some of the boys were rooting for me, which amused me a great deal. Frankie was convinced I had hustled him the night before.

As that game was ending, my girls (Kelly W and Ryan) had arrived and were quite excited to see how well I had been doing. But, everything ends eventually and Joe (the guy from Herman's Kim) played against me and I lost. Im not a bad loser, and I was kind of getting bored with it since the girls had arrived and I wanted to talk with them. After that we ended up playing doubles for the rest of the night, and just hanging out. I did not drink because I had the car, but my girls were drinking and we decided that we totally needed to drink together so we made plans for two weeks from now to go again and take Kelly G with us and get shitfaced. Now that will be a good time.

Rather than try and recap the entire month of October, I'll just fill you in on my new boyfriend. So, his name is Frankie and he is three years older than I am. Actually, our birthdays are only four days apart, heh. I've known who he was for quite a while. We work in the same building, and he started working there a while before I did, so we knew of each other just from around work. I've always found him attractive looking, but I dont know if I had ever actually crushed on him, only because I was with someone back when I first remember noticing him around (he did quit a while ago and came back almost a year ago). It turns out that he's actually crushed on me for years. He used a word like struck to describe his reaction to first seeing me. Wow. Tell me that didnt take me back a few steps. Someone actually crushed on me for years. Years. Of all people, me at that. And not just anyone, but someone I found attractive as well.

We've been going out a month and we're getting on great. He has met all members of my immediate family, and I've met his mother and his sister. His father just came home from working in another province, so I'll meet him soon, and once the custody issues are ironed out I will get to meet his son. Yes, my boyfriend has a child, a child who isnt a year old yet. Dont worry, he isnt jumping from the mother to me, they've been broken up for a while now, so for once Im not dating a guy who's on the rebound. There's always a first time for everything.

Im tired now, updates will come sooner, hopefully, rather than later. I did kick ass and take names at pool tonight ;)

Goddamn motherfucking writers block!

Maybe its due to the fact that I've worn myself so thin my health is suffering considerably. I need serious rest.