Seriously, I have never been this horny, this wanting ever in my lifetime. Its not "Oh Im horny and I need to get off". Not at all. I have no interest in masturbating, at all. In fact, my vibrator (which normally would be underneath my bed) was put "away" when I was cleaning out the room to paint and its still there. What I want is the boy/girl interaction. I want a boy to be as interested in me as I am in him. I want to be touched, not sexually, just in general. Touch my face, my hair, my arms, whatever. I want to be kissed on the forehead, the cheek, the lips. I want a goddamn hug. I want to flirt, knowing that its going to go somewhere. I want a boy to want me for who I am, not just as a means to get laid.
Dont mistake this for me saying that I want a boyfriend. The last thing that I want is to be in a "relationship". Relationships have a lot of expectations and quite honestly, I dont feel like I can live up to something like that right now. And the last thing that I need at this point in my life is to be in love. I just want to date somebody casually. I think Im ready for more than just to be somebody's easy lay. To tell the truth, Im worth more than that. I deserve to have a guy respect me enough to take me out, ya know? I dont ask for a lot, but I want to be impressed. He's got to show me that he's worth my time.
Sigh.
Two days until drunk.
{Thursday, February 2}
second
