Kim, download the version of Such Great Heights by Iron and Wine. Its the one from Garden State and its really pretty.

My mother works at a different call center than I do, taking catalogue orders. She was telling me today that the perverts are out in full force lately. For instance, she took a call this week where the man said "Will you moan while I masturbate?". Now, while it would be uncomfortable to be on the recieving end of that call, it was damn funny to hear it retold. You must be a pretty pathetic person if you need to harass the people taking catalogue orders in order to get your rocks off.

Obligitatory drunk post.

Alright, if you had have heard our conversations from this evening, you would have learned that Amy is desperately horny, Im easy (something I would admit to when sober), we both give great head, and we're willing to have a threesome with a guy in order to get sex. Kim on the other hand, has a boyfriend, so she can get sex on her own. Also Kim's brother made me say that his 16 year old friend was attractive. I felt dirty. Nonetheless I also learned that old women get hard nipples when working out, and Mike's friend has sex with his dog. Not really though. Steak subs are awesome when you're drunk, and I dont care how close I am with my brother, its still weird discussing my sex life around him.

I was not the drunkest, nor was I the first one drunk. Score one for Jenna! I should go to sleep though, as I am WRECKED and will probably pass out if I dont go to bed now.

A bird flew into the front window today. I was sitting on the chair and I saw the little bird with the yellow belly fly realclose to the window and then I heard a little *thunk* and it fell. I went to the window and it wasnt laying out there on the ground, so it must have just got back up and flew away. It was kinda cool, once I made sure that it wasnt dead.

Also, John Hamm is stepping down as premier of Nova Scotia.

More than a hundred things that you may or may not have known (or wanted to know) about me (in no particular order):

1. I read webcomics more than I do anything else on the internet.
2. You might see me without polish on my toenails, but never without my fingernails painted.
3. I got both my nipples pierced on the same day. I've since taken them out. I might get them done again someday.
4. Im afraid of the dentist.
5. Im a sucker for animated movies, especially claymation.
6. I really enjoy learning Theology, and I have a great interest in the history of Christianity and the Catholic church, but I consider myself an Agnostic. Others might call me an Athiest, they would be wrong.
7. I am afraid of housecats.
8. When Im by myself listening to music, I sing outloud.
9. I prefer Coca Cola over Pepsi, hands down.
10. My favorite pasta is elbow macaroni.
11. I shower and wash my hair every day, no matter what.
12. I have never been on a rollercoaster.
13. If I ever get married, I want to elope to Las Vegas.
14. I am very self consious about my teeth.
15. I dont like ketchup.
16. My favorite color is black. Pink comes a very close second.
17. I cannot put my hands in dishwater.
18. I eat m&ms in order by color.
19. I have a thing for butterflies.
20. I can only sleep with earplugs in.
21. I have a non-sexual pirate fetish.
22. I like guys to have tattoos. Piercings are a bonus as well.
23. I dont like people touching my feet, but I enjoy getting a pedicure.
24. I dont like the taste of beer.
25. I like to drive fast.
26. I wish my breasts were bigger.
27. My feet are small, I only take a size 6-7.
28. Peanuts has been my favorite comic strip since I was about ten.
29. One of the fish in my aquarium has been in my possession since late December of 2000.
30. I can be really lazy when it comes to housework.
31. I dont have the patience for cooking.
32. My due date was June 13th, 1981. I was born 13 days later.
33. Im only about 5'3"
34. I dont like the smell of vanilla.
35. Sour candies are my favorite.
36. I dont like white chocolate.
37. I really enjoy sleeping. I dont do it often enough.
38. I like to do laundry.
39. I have nice hair.
40. I dont like cheesecake. At all.
41. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.
42. Change is bad.
43. British accents make me swoon. Seriously.
44. I can barbeque pork chops like nobody's business.
45. I enjoy macabre television shows.
46. I do not enjoy gory movies.
47. Earthworms terrify me.
48. I really enjoy reading other people's blogs.
49. I honestly have no real talent.
50. I get cold very easliy.
51. I much prefer to drive, than be a passenger.
52. I do not look good with red lipstick on.
53. I love having my lip pierced.
54. Sometimes its easier to blog things because its like telling everybody and nobody all at once.
55. I really dont like my father.
56. I wish I could have met my mother's parents.
57. I wish I had money to shop with.
58. Cheese is my favorite food.
59. I enjoy going to the movies.
60. I have over five hundred mp3s.
61. I cant see me ever going back to a desktop computer.
62. I am not ready to settle down and have children.
63. I wish my hair was longer.
64. I am not a morning person.
65. I've had asthma since I was six.
66. My fingernails are always kept cut short.
67. I really enjoy peach yogurt.
68. I have a very low alcohol tolerance.
69. I shave my legs once a week. I probably dont need to do it even that often.
70. My dogs are babied.
71. I have never bought an mp3.
72. Hardcore Apple fanatics make my skin crawl.
73. Routine is my friend.
74. I wish I had the time to get a good tan in the summertime.
75. I dont totally hate the winter.
76. I am a Cape Bretoner first, a Nova Scotian second, and a Canadian third. But I love being a Canadian.
77. My father's family is crazy.
78. Im not shy, Im anti-social.
79. I dont really like Jello.
80. Sometimes my eczema gets so bad I scratch until I bleed.
81. I enjoy Mario games.
82. I run like a tard. It might not be nice to say, but its true.
83. I love getting my hair colored.
84. I enjoy gossip!
85. I have no problem calling myself fat.
86. Nine times out of ten Im still getting ready when I should be out the door.
87. I currently hate my job.
88. I am normally barefoot around the house, even in the winter.
89. I dont like to wear shorts.
90. I own one bra that is not padded.
91. I like to read Cosmopolitan magazine.
92. I have never read a Harry Potter book.
93. Serial killers and the criminally insane fascinate me.
94. I like to wear makeup.
95. I hardly ever chew gum.
96. I drink way too much pop.
97. I am afraid of waterslides.
98. I have never been on an airplane.
99. I like watching Oprah.
100. Getting my picture taken makes me uncomfortable.
101. I salivate when I get sexually aroused.
102. In highschool I owned a pair of blue suede hiking boots.
103. I love shaving my legs.
104. Showering is my favorite part of an average day.
105. Going to sleep is my second favorite part of an average day.
106. At McDonald's, I always order the same thing: breakfast burritos from the breakfast menu, and chicken fajitas from the lunch menu.
107. I have a birthmark on my right butt cheek.

Alcohol tomorrow. Alcohol tomorrow. Alcohol tomorrow. *glee*

Alcohol and a boy would be nice (really nice), but, you know, Im not ready for that yet. I mean, its only been three months. I maybe *should* be ready, but I dont feel I am. Maybe Im just scared.

Nonetheless, alcohol will help. I havent been drunk since July 22nd, that was over two months ago, much too long. And Corrine suggested a get-together when she got home, and then we're partying when Susan gets home, and then Kim's Hallowe'en party...

Hi, my name is Jenna and I plan on being an alcoholic for the month of October.

Considering I felt like crap, and thought I was getting a cold for most of the day, my day actually went pretty well. I didnt move out of bed until after 12:30pm and then I just showered and got dressed and did my hair before Paul and I went to Sydney. We always have fun together, my brother is awesome!

So, anyway, we got home from Sydney and he went to his friend's mom's house to do the exchange student's hair. Let that sink in. Anyway it was Hiroki (Heh-row-key), the Japanese kid who's been there for a year already, who was getting his hair done. He was getting it bleached blonde. So I was watching television and the phone rings. Its Paul, wanting me to walk him through troubleshooting the wireless network while he's using Hiroki's computer. Hiroki's computer was in Japanese. You can imagine how well that went. So, I pack up my laptop and go to the house. I couldnt make the wireless work at all, but the ethernet through the router worked fine. I told them to call Dlink.

That wasnt the funniest part of the night. After Hiroki's hair was finished, Paul starts frigging around with his computer, because it was there on the table and he starts a game which turned out to be Return to Castle Wolfenstein. Now, if you know my brother, you will be able to imagine this in your head. Jenelle and I were facing Paul, so the laptop was facing away from us, meaning we couldnt see anything that was going on. The opening or whatever of the game came on and Paul starts with his highly entertaining commentary. With actions. Then the actual game starts, the commentary didnt. I havent laughed that much at someone in a long time.

So when I get home I turn on my computer and Amy messaged me all upset, so I offered to go pick her up to get her out of her house for a little while. We just drove around town talking and it was fun! I love just driving around, but with the price of gas these days you cant do it like we used. Gawd, I sound so old. But the two of us were in our pajamas, so we were HOT, driving around our hokey little town.

My hand was okay today, mostly because I was away from a computer, and I kept it wrapped the whole day. I did not go to the ER because I wasnt in any real pain. Well, nothing that would warrant me spending two or three hours at the hospital anyway. If it stayed like this I wouldnt mind waiting the month to see my doctor. I'll just take it day by day, I guess.

Im going to bed.

The weather outside is horrible, and I think Im getting sick.

My hand feels much better today, enough that I can probably wait the month to see my doctor. Now, I didnt say that it felt fine, Its just bearable, and my fingers dont hurt. Bonus. That could be because I dont have to spend almost twelve hours at work in front of a computer today, but we wont jump to that conclusion.

I bought a decal today for my windshield. We were in Canadian Tire and I saw Amanda, but she was busy so I didnt stop and talk to her. Paul bought wiper blades. I figure that in order for me to move overseas, Im going to have to sell my car. I'll miss it.

Last night I downloaded AOL Instant Messenger. I dont know why I did, I dont know anybody who uses it. Plus, I hardly actually talk to people on MSN Messenger. Nonetheless I now have two instant messenging programs on my laptop. w00t.

Panel two of today's diesel sweeties made me giggle out loud.

Okay, if you can remember about two weeks ago, I came home from work all in pain. That was the first night that I had problems with my right wrist. The pain came and went since then but the past couple of days it has been almost unbearable. Last night I decided I'd try and wrap it for bed, to see if it would make a difference. It did, a bit. I called my doctor's office this morning to make an appointment, and the earliest appointment I could get was for October 18th. Not impressed. I refuse to be in this much burning pain (that goes all the way up into my fingers) until then. Im probably going to have to go to the ER tomorrow night to see what they have to say.

Oh, and Debbie got a call today from a customer named Donnie Darko, for real.

Also, my new favorite song is Such A Twat by The Streets.

I am in desperate need of getting my drunk on. Interested persons apply within.

So I talked to Jeff (my supervisor) about being moved to a different contract. He had to go over some things with me and he was asking me if I was okay because he knew that I had to sign the paper about my quality, and he said something about having listened to a "weird call" or something. I told him that I was really stressed and, to my surprise, he agreed with me that it was a hard, stressful contract. He even said that if he was on the phones he would find it stressful. He actually asked me what it was that I found stressful and took some of my ideas and emailed them to the client to see if we could get certain things changed. Talk about feeling validated.

Jeff told me that if I was looking for them to fire me (so I could get EI) it would take a while, and I told him that I was not looking to get fired, I just wanted to be moved. He was frank with me, he told me that obviously my stats had to be what they were supposed to be, but not perfect. If I had perfect stats I wouldnt be going anywhere. He also told me that they're not going to move me while we're busy, but that we'll be slowing down in November/December, when the new major OEM contract will be ramping up with more agents. He knows I should be on a more technical contract, and basically told me to wait for that.

Also, he said that I should see my doctor about getting a note for a wrist support for my keyboard and mouse. I'll have to call and make an appointment tomorrow.
All in all, I feel so much better today after talking with him. Even my back and my wrist arent as sore today. The calls coming in slower could be affecting that, too. We shall see how this day will go. Yesterday was awesome, the phones were broken for three hours :D

I finally found OK by Local H on mp3!

*glee*

If you went by tonight, you'd think I had some sort of social life. You'd be wrong, Stream sucked that out of me years ago, but Im trying dammit!

Nonetheless, I had a good night, and probably spent way too much money, but that's neither here nor there. When you think about it, we only went to Wal*Mart, the Dollarama, the Bulk Barn, and then for supper, but I left here at about three in the afternoon and got home a little after nine. I bought umm... two pairs of pants, a tshirt, a pair of pajamas, a blanket, a belt, five pairs of pink socks, two pairs of Snoopy socks (I have a Peanuts thing), and panties. That was besides the $7 worth of sour candy I bought at the Bulk Barn. Its dangerous to take me there, really it is.

Naturally we went to Pizza Delight for supper. I had lasagne again, but this time I had the apple skillet for dessert and I dont think it agreed with me. Last week when we went, I had lasagne and I was fine. Nonetheless dinner was good. Oh, and the cute waiter's name is Mark, we found that out tonight :)

After supper we went and hung out at Kim's for a little while. The new hardwood is beautiful! And I knew that as soon as I got home I wouldnt be tired anymore. Grr! I cant sleep lately, and I hate it!

Oh, and I was thinking this afternoon (dangerous) and came up with a new Life Plan (you might want to sit down for this). So, I decided that next year Im going to take a course in something, perhaps esthetics, but nothing that would last more than a year so that I can have marketable skills. Once I get that I want to go away to work for at least a year. By "away" I do not mean "out west" to Ontario or Alberta, I mean away. As in Europe. I only speak English, so I'd probably be best somewhere in the UK. The downfall? I dont actually know anyone in the UK so it could prove to be a challenge. I think I would really like to live overseas, even if it is nothing more than an elaborate fantasy.

Okay, my dogs might be cute, but sometimes they're friggin weird. I woke up this morning and Emma had gone upstairs, and Molly was downstairs with me. She was curled up in my small closet on the pile of dirty laundry. She had her bed, or my bed, or the pillows on the floor to sleep on, but no, she had to curl up in the closet. On the dirty laundry. I suppose though, it is better than if she had have layed in a pile of clean clothes and gotten them all full of dog hair.

So for probably the last two or three months anyway, I cant seem to go to bed without company. I dont mean gentleman company, I mean I have one or both dogs sleeping on my floor for the night. I even went so far as to make a dog bed consisting of two (not one, but two!) bedspreads folded up on top of each other. That has a giant stuffed lizard on it for a pillow. Molly likes her pillows. Emma is usually content to just sleep on the floor in the bedroom or in the rec room just outside. Yes, Im going somewhere with this. I always keep four throw pillows and a body pillow on my bed during the day. Once Im going to bed they go in their allotted spots on the floor (Im OCD remember?). So tonight Molly is upstairs sleeping in Mom's room, and Emma is downstairs with me. I just looked a minute ago and I couldnt see her, so I got up and looked around and she's there curled up on my body pillow on the floor. My dogs are so cute :D

Ohmigawd, I forgot to mention that You Damn Kid is the funniest comics that I've read in a long time.

So there was a rumor all over the province today that gas was going to go up to $2.00/L. They spent the whole day saying on the news that it was only a rumor, they had even contacted the major oil distributors who said it was only a rumor. Nonetheless everyone went and got gas today. Mom called me from work around 3pm to tell me to go and fill my gas tank, and then go get her car and get that filled too. I didnt wait too long at the gas station either time, probably less than ten minutes.

Tomorrow is payday and I cant friggin wait. I havent had extra money in months.

I have to give a big shout out to Squirk who saved my day by managing to rewrite the CSS for my commenting, and post it in easy to use directions. Dude, you rock. \m/

Well, if I did nothing else productive today, I at least updated the comics links on the left side there. Oh, and I did a little tweaking with the comments links.

If there's anybody who reads this that is any good at CSS please email me. I need a little help, thanks. I think my problem is probably in the shitty-ass commenting script that Blogger uses, in general. If you have any ideas how I can tweak or change it, please email me. Thanks.

I actually had a breakdown today. I cant handle working on that contract anymore. Lately I've been forcing myself to actually get up and go to work, and then when Im there, I have to force myself to stay there. Today, after lunch, I was all worked up and every time the phone dinged in my ear I would have to calm myself down because I was almost crying sitting there. Yeah, awesome, eh. So when I took my break at 3:30pm I was actually shaking and I just couldnt sit there like that anymore so I got my supervisor to early me out.

I didnt leave right away, I went down to HR to see how to go about being moved to a different contract and she told me that I had to go through my supervisor first. My supervisor is Jeff, so that's going to get me nowhere, but I'll set up a meeting with him anyway. If he's useless, then I'll go to Bernie, and if Bernie is useless I'll go back to HR. If they refuse to help me then Im going to have to go to my doctor and get him to write me a letter forcing them to either move me or let me go on leave. I'll have no other choice. Like Jeannie said, when seasoned agents are having a hard time, they gotta do something.

But yeah, I cried the whole way home, and I know that if Jeff gives me any kind of hassle or bullshit I'll be crying at him too. That could work in my favor though, because I know that Jeff gets all out of gear when he's gotta deal with someone that upset.

Then again, Im off the next two days, and I might feel better going back in there on Saturday. Im not going to count on it, but you never know.

I GOT MY WINGS!!!!!! :D

Paul wanted to go to Value Village to get some ideas about a Hallowe'en costume, so we went over, and my wings were purchased. I wanna wear them all the time now. Even Mom said they were really cute, they're like moth wings. I still need to go to Sydney on Friday, so none of that's changed, but Im like uber excited now. Its like I actually have my costume started or something. Yay for me!

I must say, I have a blast hanging out with my brother. First we were home and he was telling me how he was confused by Amy telling him "Paul, your sister is retarded!" when he was cutting her hair, which led me to filling him in on our adventures last week. THEN he and I went into Value Village and he understood why. Yes, again I was walking around the store in a funky hat and a feather boa. I need a feather boa.

Actually, the funnest part of the afternoon was the two of us, in his car, driving around testing his stereo with such block rockin beats as I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany. Remember that song? Such a classic.

We also went into Wal*Mart and he got himself a steering wheel cover for his new car. They didnt have much else interesting in the line of car accessories, so we're going into Canadian Tire on Tuesday to see what they have. I want a butterfly decal for my windshield, because Im cool \m/. Really though, I've had the car a year and I havent gayed up decorated it yet. I have a collection of dogs in it, but no decals yet. I need to get on that.

Actually what I need to do right now is go to bed because I have to get up and force myself to work tomorrow. Well, unless I can borrow gas money from someone, else I have no way there. *crosses fingers*

And for those who didnt know, Canada was at war with Denmark. Obviously we handle our wars much better than some countries. /sarcasm

Speaking of iPod Nanos, Illiad just proved how dangerous they are.

My end of shift every night is 9:30pm. Tonight, I got out of there at 9:50pm. I took my last call at 8:30pm. Do that math, my last call lasted me an hour and twenty minutes. Oh. My. Gawd. I cant really complain though, Ms. M was a total sweetheart and we laughed and giggled through the entire call. I was some tired at the end of the day though, really I was. We were really busy again today. The only time that there was any real time between calls was (naturally) when I was signed off for lunch. At least it was day two of three, and then Im off on Tuesday to sit home and do nothing. Although I might take a hint from Amy and clean out one of my closets, or at least the top of my dresser and nightstand.

They're supposed to be starting a hew-hire class for our contract at work tomorrow. We desperately need it. My brother keeps suggesting that I see if they'll move me to the contract that he's on. My contract puts more value on the *sucking up to the customer* part of it, rather than the *getting them fixed*, where his contract is actual technical support. I miss actual technical support. I need to be on a contract like that, where we deal with programs and OS's and shit. Im getting mighty tired of internet technical support. Oh, and Paul threw out the idea that we go splits on a Mac mini, you know, to have. (Oh, and in case anybody was wondering, we're both very familiar with using Apple computers, its not a purchase we'd make cuz it was pretty.)

Anyway, my point about the new-hire class was with that would come a shift bid sometime within the next two or three weeks. That would mean a dayshift for me, yay! I really hate working 10:30am-9:30pm. I would much rather have to get up to be at work for 8:00am, than have to work late into the night. Of course, I would still want at least Fridays off, I tend to like my weekends :)

But, its been a long day, Im off to bed.

I just got this email from my brother, works on a different contract in the same center that I do:

Lol, omg, there's a guy over there on he other side calling in for support with his media player...... His issue is that he's getting errors on media player when he visits adult check (site that you pay for a u ser id to prove that your older then 19 to use on millions of porn sites) and he's asking the agent to go on and test it herself to see what's happening. And she's mutin her phone and screaming ‘’i'm not lookin at porn to shut him up’

I’m roaring, I was like ‘that’s a wicket way not to get fired though’ .....cause if she gets caught by IT or something she can be like “its for research for a case I’m doing, see......”

12.5 %

My weblog owns 12.5 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

So we went and got my brother's car tonight. I drove it home. The car is a red, two door, 1994 Chevrolet Cavalier. Its in really good condition and drives really well for a car that old. As long as he takes care of it, it'll last him another few years.

You may noticed that commenting has changed. It was the only way I could get rid of anonomous commenters. If you're going to come here just to bash me at least have the balls to tell me who you are. So now Im forcing everyone who normally comments to sign up for an account at Blogger, something that I did not want to have to do. But most LiveJournals that I read have this option enabled anyway. Anyone who does not want to do this can email me instead of commenting.

I was all upset today after seeing him leave a comment on my blog. I dont know why I always let him get to me. I did it the whole time we were together. I used to always do things his way, do what he wanted. I wouldnt allow myself to get mad at him for anything, because he'd only turn it around and make the whole thing my fault. He was always making me feel guilty for some thing or another. This is the guy who, when we first started going out, used to send me home and then spend hours every night talking to another girl on the phone. This is the guy who actually told me that one of his female friends at college was prettier than I was. This is the guy who used to tell me that he'd get laid more if he just went out and picked up. The guy who had the nerve to throw a party for his work friends, and uninvite me to it. I actually let him treat me like that.

Before you start asking me why, let me explain. I would be lying if I said that I was a strong person. I am way too passive for my own good. Im not particularly a follower, I certainly march to the beat of my own drummer, but I am a real pushover. I dont say anything to anybody in my own defense. I take it all without exploding. I dont get angry at people, or pick fights with them. In the end I always implode. I take everything out on myself, I always have. Its much easier for me to deal with things that way. I have a hard time expressing myself out loud to other people, and I have a real problem actually going to people for help. I hate to feel like Im putting someone else out of their way, so I just deal with things my own way.

Now, put that into context. I was dating a guy who needed to be in control. I dont mean that he controlled me, it never did get that far, but things had to be done his way, or he would be pissy or throw a tantrum. We had to do the things he wanted to do, see the movies he wanted to see, eat where he wanted to eat. Hell, we couldnt even sit on the couch together without him constantly telling me how to sit every time he fidgeted. Even if it was with a group of people, it had to be what he wanted to do, he couldnt just go with the crowd. What happened if I didnt do it his way? Well, he would get huffy, or pissy, or throw a tantrum. He knew how to guilt me into doing what he wanted, and it was just easier for me to do what he wanted, than to not do it. Christ, there were times when we had sex that he knew that I was only doing it to keep him happy. Sometimes I'd even offer to cry to give it effect. Yes, I got my digs in where I could.

So, that's why I am afraid of him. Nobody knows how to make me feel worthless like he can, and quite frankly, emotionally I cant deal with that anymore. That's why I got out of the relationship. I needed to for my own mental health. Sure Im not proud of the fact that I broke up with him on MSN messenger, while he was in Halifax. But, honestly, if that was the worst thing that I did to him in the four years that we were together, it doesnt even begin to compare with some of the bullshit that I put up with from him.

The ex left a comment here. I deleted it without reading it. I dont come to this page to read my comments (I read them through Haloscan) so I dont know what post he was commenting on. I think its the only comment that I've actually deleted and I did so because I made it clear that he didnt belong here. I havent even been to the mall where he works, because I dont care to see or talk to him.

EDIT: I've become rather irate at the nerve of him to come here and comment. I didnt read it, but it started out with something about defending himself. GODDAMNIT THIS IS MY BLOG AND I'LL WRITE WHAT I WANT. Face it kiddos, this is my diary, and Im allowing it to be shared with the Internet. If I want to write about how miserable I realized that I was when I was in a relationship with him, Im damn well going to do it. If I want to write about how much I did not enjoy having sex with him, Im going to write about that. If I want to write about how Im afraid of running into him face to face, (yes Im afraid of him) because he knows how to make me feel worthless like nobody else, then Im fucking well going to write about it. I dont go all over town and spread shit, I write in my journal which happens to be on the internet. This is MY truth, how I see it, and nobody can stop me from seeing things my way.

If this were an LJ, I still would not make it friends only because I shouldnt have to. I do have the ability to block IPs and, the same with deleting comments, I will use that liberty as I see fit.

On an aside, I went to Wal*Mart today to put some t-shirts on layaway until I get paid next Friday. They only had one tshirt that I liked in my size, so I took that. I also picked up the jacket and pants that Kim also bought the other day (I warned ya I was gonna get them too, lol), and the grey pants with the design on the ass. Umm... and a pair of pajamas. It came to about $90. Im gonna go pick it up next Friday when I get paid. Anyone who wants to come with me is welcome to.

WARNING IM ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT MY PERIOD.



Thoughtful arent I? But, yeah, today was one of those days that I wished I did not have a uterus. I was fine when I got up and went to work this morning. Sometime after I signed onto my phone, I started getting slight pains in my abdominal region. No, more like a twinge, where my right ovary would be. Nothing I couldnt handle, right? The pain hit me about the time I went for my first break. OH MY GAWD THE PAIN. I never get pain like that. I was in absolute agony. Honesly, I was convinced that my entire uterus was going to fall out of my body it was that bad. I got two Tylenol Ultra from a woman at work and they did sweet fuck all for me, when normally two extra strength Tylenol would be fine. Agony.

So as soon as I got on my lunch I went to the drugstore and got myself a bottle of Tylenol Ultra and took two more, then I got a bowl of soup from Horton's and went back to work. It was probably an hour later that I started feeling any kind of relief, and I only think it was because I ate. I was good for probably four or five hours, and then I started getting a little pain again. Nothing like what it was originally, but its bearable.

Now, my back wasnt as sore as it has been the last couple of days that I was at work, but it was sore tonight, I think as a result of everything else going on. What surprised me tonight was that by 8pm or so my right wrist had a burning pain that bad I didnt know if I could handle it. I think Im getting carpal tunnel in that wrist. I mentioned it to Mom when I get home and she agreed that it was possible.

She also couldnt understand why I was cramping so badly today. Her reaction was "When the hell does that ever happen to you?", because its true, my period never, ever bothers me. It might have to do with the fact that I went a number of months without it when my relationship was coming to an end. Now, I know that's not healthy, but I knew I was under a lot of stress at the time, and I LIKED not getting my period. Really, I did.

So, obviously my body's falling apart. Since Tylenol was doing SFA for me today I asked Mom if she had any muscle relaxers that I could take, and she gave me two Flexerol. She told me to take one now, and the other one in the morning if I needed it. She didnt think that it'd make my pain go away, but even if it doesnt, I'll at least be too stoned to give a shit.

Okay, tonight was awesome! First we went to Leather & Lace to see their selection of vibrators. Well, their selection sucked, they hardly had any. I was disappointed, actually. BUT Kim's (middle-aged) neighbour walked in with his girlfriend and wouldnt look at her.

So then we went to Value Village and roamed around there for ages. It was fun though, imagine, me finding a used clothing store fun. But, its not where you are, its who you're with. Anyway I think I found my wings. They had really, really nice black wings. They're not bat-like wings, and I dont know if they're as wide as I would like, but they are all black, and they're kinda tall. Im going to buy them when I get paid again and see how I like them. If I decide that they're not what I like, I'll still go ahead and make some. Oh, and they had fangs there for like $3. Me, after ordering wings for $25 online. Anyway, I might get the fangs if they're still there the next time I go in.

So, after Value Village we went to Wal*Mart, then the grub mall to finish off the shopping tour. I did not buy anything. Then we went to Pizza Delight for dinner, where the entire restaurant learned that Amy wanted liquor in her strawberry daiquiri, and we all left quite full. All in all it was a great day and I'd say we'll be doing it again sometime soon. There is another sex store in Sydney ;)

So Kim suggested a bittorrent site to me last night, and it seems pretty good. Im currently leeching seasons one and two of The L Word, because I think I'll like that show. I'll probably hafta get all five seasons of Queer As Folk, because there were a lot of episodes that I missed along the way.

My back has been sore lately. Its because I hate my job. No, really, it is. I hate my job, therefor I get stressed about having to go to work, and about being at work, and my body tenses up and my back gets sore. I've even had to start bringing my ObusForme into work with me, and that's not really helping. I left early today, and I dont care about the money. It just doesnt matter anymore at this point.

Oh, but at work I was glad to hear that Elisha got herself out of a relationship that she wasnt happy in. Its becomming a revolution!

So between last night when Janice was here getting her hair done, and tonight when I was at Kim's with her and Amy, I've been having some much needed interaction with people who are not family or coworkers. That was a long sentence, but that's besides the point. The point is that I need to get out more. Yes, really. I've posted this before, but I tend to get into ruts where I'll get in the habit of just going to work and home and it gets harder and harder for me to actually be a social person. I hate when I get like this because I enjoy hanging out with people. I enjoy just sitting around talking, which is what we did last night when Janice was getting her hair done (she's HELLA blonde now), and tonight at Kim's. I have a lot of fun doing that. I really should push myself to get out more, I know once I start getting in the habit of being out I'll be fine. Its just that Im so habitual and ritualistic that different can be bad in my head.

I swear Im not crazy, just OCD.

Oh, and taking Amy vibrator shopping shall be fun :D

So, because today was grocery day we didnt have any dogfood any of the only dogfood they will eat. Come about four in the afternoon, they got hungry. Well, no, Emma was hungry. We didnt even have any sandwich meats or anything in the house, nothing. What to do, what to do... Well, we had cans of tuna. Now, you wouldnt think of feeding tuna to a dog right? This dog will eat most of what you put in front of her, and I had to feed her something. So, I decide, well I'll mix some kibble in with it to give it some substance. I mixed it, alright, I mixed it with my hands. I MIXED TUNAFISH AND DOGFOOD WITH MY HANDS. There, bitch, now dont call me prissy for not being able to put my hands in dishwater.

Oh, and if you're wondering what Molly ate, she had a bowl and a half of Special K cereal (she prefers corn flakes, but we didnt have any). And then she was yapping at the bag of Beneful after she snubbed them. And she had to have it on a plate. Nobody can tell me that dogs arent as bad as kids sometimes. Mine are.

The author of www.waiterrant.net has written a beautiful theological post today. I felt that I should share.

Naturally the second that I think things are going alright something comes up and smack me in the face. Today is payday, I figured that my pay was going to be alright because I didnt take too much VTO the previous two weeks. I go to check my account balance today and there's only $200 in it. It turns out that Student Loan (who I thought wasnt going to look for payment until the end of the month) took $300 out of my account, leaving me with $200. Now, I was supposed to make my car payment ($124) and my insurance payment ($133) and my rent ($80) and I owe Paul $45. Plus gas and food and whatnot. That adds up to more than $200. Now, I know I can not give Mom the rent, and Paul can let the $45 go until I get more money (I owe the kid like $350 already anyway), but I still have $277 in payments to make. Insert frusterated crying here.

So I get on the phone. I first call Student Loan to get my payments deferred for the next 6mths (and it turns out I have a total of 14mths of deferment left, rather than 12, score!). Then I had to call the Royal Bank where I have my original student loans with to tell them that my payments were getting deferred. Then I had to be transferred to the car loan department to see if they could defer my payment for today (so much for being able to say that I never had to miss a car payment). They're actually going to defer this payment and the next one, so next pay I'll be able to pay off my brother at least.

So, now out of the $200, I only have to make a $133 payment. I can handle that I think. I know the insurance company isnt going to change the date on that payment, I tried that once before. I'll just have to make due with $60 for the next couple of weeks. Obviously Im going to be taking Zoodles to work, and nobody else is allowed to drive my car without putting gas in it. That might work.

she smiles like a child
with flowers in her hair
with blood on her hands
into the sun she stares
she feels it die
i heard her cry...

Name that tune!

I just saw a commercial for some American news and they said that Cuba offered to send over a hundred doctors to the US to aid in hurricane relief. According to this news GWB was actually saying no. I have one thing to say to Dubya ...suck it up princess.

Score one for Jenna! I finally hit 2.00GB of mp3s :D


Oh, and does anybody have the song Shoebox Of Lies by Barenaked Ladies in mp3 format that they could send me?

I want to find someone to love me this much, and this much, and this much. And I want a bunny.

On another note, I talked to my lawyer yesterday. He had finally heard back from the other insurance company (only after three months, thats all) and they're willing to pay out the standard $2500, which is all I figured I was going to be getting anyway. BUT my lawyer said that he wants me to get a letter for work stating that I incurred lost wages after my accident to try and go for another chunk of cash. I was at work when I was talking to him so I ran down and put in my request with HR for a letter. I figure it'll be October before I see any money at this point, but if I get the extra money it'll be worth it.

I booked five hours off of work this weekend, Im off at 7:30pm on Saturday, and I dont think I have to be in until 1:30pm on Sunday. So I can go out if I had plans. Which I dont at the moment.

So I just finished cleaning out my car. It was disgusting, really it was. I filled a kitchen-catcher garbage bag with crap, actually filled it. That's besides taking all of the books from the trunk and putting them in Mom's car (they were hers, not mine, and I wasnt hauling them in the house). THEN I wiped down all of the plastic parts of the interior, and windexed the inside of the front windshield. I didnt vacuum the car though, by the time I had cleaned the thing out it was after taking me the better part of an hour and I was in a sweat. Yes, a sweat. I NEVER sweat, like ever (so me sweating today was getting slightly moist). And not too many things gross me out like seeing someone who is sweating, or feeling my clothes stick to me cuz Im damp.

I forgot to mention before, yesterday, Paul (who's two thirds of the way to becomming a hairdresser) had me cut his hair cuz I used to cut the XBF's hair like that. Im good with clippers :D Oh, and he was at school today and his teacher said that she wants models to come in on Mondays. I work Mondays. It would be much easier for her to change the day than for me to try and get my days off changed, I'll have to get him to suggest that.

Its 10:28am and Im still in bed. I dont feel all that sick anymore, but I dont feel great yet either. Maybe its just boredom. I want to just fuck off and go for a drive but Paul's gone to school with my car, and I dont like driving Mom's car. That, and Im still in my pajamas. Last night I heard Paul get in my car and leave around 11:45pm, then about fifteen minutes later he called me (with Karla in the car) to tell me that he had filled the gas tank (it was on serious empty) and it cost $62 ($1.39/L for those not local). When I went upstairs to turn the kitchen lights off at around 1am he still was not home yet. Today I am going to tell him that I dont want him taking the car and being gone with it in the middle of the night. I mean, I have the right to do that, Its my car, I make the payments. What he does with Mom's car is her problem.

If I have my money this weekend, I want to go out. Like *out* out, to a movie, or drinking or something. The only problem is that I *cant* ask people to do something, because I get anxiety. Yes anxiety. Im going to confess something to the internet, I am very anti-social, and when I get in the habit of staying in, it gets worse. I cant even like instant message people, because I actually get anxiety. My name is Jenna, and Im a big winner.

Susan, my hair is fading out already, and I might have washed it three times since Thursday. Im just going to say fuck it this time. Paul said that he'd do it again, so I'll just wait until you're home for that.

Its probably time for me to get up and shower, but honestly, I cant be bothered.

Okay, I know that Im behind. I was supposed to call Janice yesterday (sorry!), but I didnt. And I owe Susan an email (sorry!), but the past few days I just really dont feel good. I think Im coming down with something. My ears have been sore (and feel like they're filled), my back is sore, my face is all hot and flushed today, and I get cold chills when Im at work. Im hoping that If I get a good sleep tonight I'll start to feel better tomorrow and get back in the swing of things, but I really feel like crap tonight. Im glad I booked off five hours tomorrow. Yay for being off at 3:30pm!

I have to point out something interesting though. I was checking stats a minute ago for something to do, right, and three persons went to www.google.com to search for "thisbloodsforyou". That's not what I find interesting, what I find interesting was that I had four persons go to www.google.co.uk and search for "thisbloodsforyou". I have people on a different continent Googling me. Its hard to explain how that makes me feel, but it is kinda cool.

According to Blogger, this is post #200. Yay!

I've probably eaten eight kiwis today. Not at once, but over the last four or so hours. My mouth is now kinda sore from the sour, if that makes any sense whatsoever. No, Im not trying to OD on fresh fruit, Im just hungry and it was either that or Oreos. I chose to take the healthier alternative. Good choice, Jenna, good choice.

Janice asked me yesterday if I wanted to join the gym with her in October. That's a realistic goal for me, since I dont know when the fuck I'll be getting my accident money. It might not be until October at this rate, so I might as well set a realistic goal for myself. But I've been doing pretty well with the eating. I realized that food was just a habit, not even a comfort, but a habit. Now I can say no, Im not going to eat something just because Im sitting here watching televison. Or on break at work. Or checking my email/blogs/comics.

They're saying that hurricane Katrina has killed at least one thousand people. Can you imagine not only losing a loved one, but being left with nothing but memories. No pictures of them, none of their belongings, nothing but memories. Memories fade. After a while you forget the sound of their voice, then how they smell, then finally its a struggle to remember what they look like without seeing a photograph. Imagine simply losing EVERYTHING. Mom was asking us the other day what we'd try and save if we were hit with that kind of weather here. Paul and I agreed that we'd take the dogs and our laptops, and then I'd take my hermit crab and my fishies. There's nothing else that I'd be upset over, honestly.

Mom had on the news yesterday and they were showing people in New Orleans being rescued and stuff, and the fella was talking and saying that the rescuers are too busy trying to save the living to even worry about collecting all of the corpses, and then the camera went to a corpse floating against a fence or something. There's no words to describe that.

Even though I have over 450 mp3s, it seems like Winamp keeps playing the same 50 or so songs over and over again. I find that really annoying.

So Janice was here today and we were talking. She told me that Jason and Dustin were in the mall and they ran into XBF. Well, my ex looked at Jason and made a comment along the lines of "So, I heard you were hitting on my ex..". Anyway he would have found out that either of two ways: either he was talking to somebody who was there (which I have no control over), or he's been reading this blog.

Well, Phil, if you have been reading my blog, stop. You are no longer in my life, you dont have a right to constant updates. Its like watching me shower. Stop it, you've *moved on*, remember? I didnt like you reading before, because you used to monitor me to the point of censorship. Well, now that we're not together, you cant censor me, it would just be creepy to keep reading. I have a READ ME over there to the left, I suggest you read it and take note, it has some comments directed toward exes.

That out of the way, I have new streaks in my hair :)