Im cleaning my room right now. You can tell how well that's going.

I went to Curves again today. That's twice this week. Janice called from work while I was out and she left a message that we're on for 10:30am tomorrow morning. That will be three times for this week. For the past month I only went once a week and my BMI went down. Imagine what's going to happen once I start going three times a week. I might actually start to lose inches!

I was driving home from the hospital today with my aunt (nothing major, she had to get a bone density test) I was telling her that I had started Curves. She was excited for me and we got to talking about losing weight. Even though I call myself fat, Im more what you'd call "chunky" (overweight, not obese). Looking at me, you wouldnt guess that I weigh as much as I do, and I can still shop at some regular stores (rather than "fat stores"). My mother is currently obese, but has been big my entire life. One of my mother's sisters is big, and the other one is thin. Their two aunts are big. I have the same shape as my mother's sister Maria, and their aunt Flora. My father's two sisters are big, and so is my grandmother. Out of all of the women that Im immediately related to, there's only my mother's sister Florence that's thin. I come by it honestly. Now, I know that a lot of it lies on me. I never was one to exercise, and I dont eat the best (although we dont eat all that badly). That is what Im changing now. Im not going to force myself into a diet right now. It would be too much all at once, and way too much stress come the end of December. My family enjoys food.

Now, Im not a tall person. Im only about 5'3". When I first joined Curves we decided that I needed to get down to about 130lbs. That would be the perfect weight for my shape, which is small in the bust with a belly, large thighs and a fat ass ghetto booty. My shape comes from my genes and I dont want to change that. Granted, I'd like bigger breasts, but I like having booty. I would much rather want to stay curvy, than lose everything and be all bony. I wouldnt look good like that.

I think the reason that Im so horny lately is because I feel good. I feel sexy, even though I dont particularly think I look it. I want to be sexual with another person, I want to physically express how I feel on the inside. Unfortunately, unless I start going out by myself, Im not in a position to go to your typical singles meeting places. There's work, sure, but I dont think I want to date a guy from work. And Im not going to jump on the internet trolling for a fuckbuddy boytoy. I dont want a boyfriend, I enjoy being single too much. I do want a guy that I can hook up with. That would be nice right about now.

I am oh so very excited! I've been waiting for QC to go in this direction for a very long time. Im such a dork, but I suppose its no different than those soap opera people that Kim and I are becomming over Grey's Anatomy. Honestly though, I really hope that Marten and Faye get together. I think I'll be heartbroken if they dont.

Originally I was going to save my Christmas undies until it was closer to Christmas, but I decided to wear them today because they are, you know, new. I swear they're the most comfortable underwear I've ever put on my arse. After work I went to Wal*Mart and bought five more pairs. I dont even think they had any more in my size. That, and I was out of money. I did pick up a cheap bra because I needed a white bra.

I came home and went to Curves. It's my first weigh-in since I joined. I didnt figure there would be a difference because I havent been going as often as I should be. My weight was up, but all of my measurements either stayed the same or went down, AND my bmi was down. Therefore the two pounds that I gained were muscle. Go me.

Poor Molly looks like nobody owns her. When her fur starts growing in it tends to get matted in places. Her ears, her tail, and around her mouth are the worst. She wont let me cut all the little matties off of her, so Im going to have to call the groomer to make an appointment. She could use a bath and her nails clipped anyway. Im going to get her fur cut off I think, its not cold out yet, plus she has sweaters. Its funny, Emma's fur is so much thicker than Molly's, but it doesnt mat. When Emma sheds, her fur stays on her until she scratches or gets brushed. We're constantly picking up clumps of black hair off of the carpet.

*sigh*

I should be in bed right now. I want to be in bed right now, but Im not. I have no real reason for not being in bed at this very moment other than the fact that I keep hoping something on the internet will catch my attention and give me something to do. Im sitting on my bed while the dog is tits up on her bed on the floor.

I've been feeling somewhat blah lately, tired, horny, and maybe a bit lonely. I would like a boy to make out with. To fool around with. I want to bite his neck until it hurts. I want him to lick my back along my spine, all the way up to the base of my hairline. I want him to touch me. I want to get some use out of the barbell in my tongue. I want candles, and Mer de Noms playing in the background. I want to go for an hour. I want to be on the bottom. I want to be on top. I want to take it from behind. I want to be in control. I want to kiss without tongue. I want to bite his bottom lip. I dont want to talk. I want to feel fingertips up and down my back. I want it fast. I want it rough. Hurt me a little, its okay. I want to finish first. I want to kiss for a while and go at it again. I want to share a bottle of vodka and have sloppy drunk sex. I want to stay up all night.

*sigh*

I really need to stop this. I was at work, and it was like twenty after nine when Gerald was walking around and he said "Anybody want VTO?". Half-jokingly I piped up and said "Im off at six, but I'll go now" and he let me go! So yes, I was walking out of work by half past nine in the morning when I wasnt due to be off until six in the evening.

In my own defense though, Mother is having dinner today. Plus I was really tired, and there's not enough things to look at on the internet that early on a Sunday morning.

I used to need no less than an hour to get ready to go anywhere, including school or work. To get up and get a shower and blowdry my hair and get dressed would take me that long if I was being pokey. I hated rushing around in the morning, it totally set a bad mood for the rest of my day. Now? Now my alarm goes off thirty minutes before I should leave for work. I spend most of that in the shower* and then I spend ten minutes putting my hair up and getting dressed. And getting dressed? Today it is jogging pants and a tshirt. Yesterday, it was yoga pants and a tshirt. Tomorrow I'll make the leap and wear jeans. Makeup? No way. I dont want to take the time, plus there's nobody here that Im trying to look cute for. I've totally let myself go. Although, if Im going "out" I will get somewhat gussied up, and even wear makeup. But lately that's not often.

Mom's having the family over for dinner at 1pm, and thankfully Im going to miss it. Its not that I dont like my family, or dont like spending time with them, its just that having anything at our house is so frusterating. Last night was spent with my mother sitting in the living room watching television barking orders at Paul and I to do things. He's off today so he gets to help with the food preparation, lucky him. I just had to do all the tidying, vacuuming, and dusting. Luckily though, we wont have to do it again until sometime in January which is nice.

Oh, and besides her nagging, I had Paul nagging at me to fix his computer. His MSN messenger wouldnt connect, and his Firefox wouldnt allow him to browse. Internet Explorer worked though, odd. He had called Aliant and they had him create a PPPoE dialer which was frigging things up for the wireless, so I deleted that and the wireless connected, but he couldnt browse. Long story short, it ended up being Norton causing the problem and I told him to delete it. I hate Norton.

My back is sore and I left my ObusForme in the car. Grr. I have a break at 8am, but Im not going back outside. Its not even bright out yet. Its sad that I work dayshift, but I get here when its still dark out, and if I have to work my full shift it will be dark out again when I leave. I hate the winter.

Haha, thank you Corrine.

(If you're at work, or in church that clip may not be entirely appropriate.)

Are all mothers insane, or am I special?

I bought Christmas panties!

My car accident was a year and a half ago today. Now I just want my money.

Christmas is a month from yesterday. That is scary.

There's a really hot guy named John that sits by me now. Really hot. He's young though I think, he said yesterday that he went to school with Brittany and she only just turned either 19 or 20.

My mother decided to have Sunday Dinner tomorrow. This means that Paul and I will not be allowed to leave the house tonight. Actually, Im going to be stuck there all afternoon. Something tells me that I'll be going to bed extra early tonight.

I might run to the mall after work this afternoon. Im in no hurry to get home.

I was awake until almost 1am with a toothache. It took four extra strength Tylenol to get rid of it. I really need to stop this being up all night. Five thirty comes real early when you havent had enough sleep.

The calls are slow, I think I'll curl up under my blanket and sleep.

Kay, so yeah, Im addicted to The Game. I finished the trial today and I really want to play the full version. JB said that he'd burn it for me if I gave him CDs, he just had to make sure that the copy that he already burned actually worked. If not I might splurge on myself and buy myself the game. Its kickass, if you like those kind of games.

Something that I always wonder when I look at my stats is how people find me. Yes, it will tell me if there was a link clicked to direct someone here, but if someone came from my Blogger profile, or my LiveJournal profile, or Googled me, or didnt click on a link to get here at all, it leaves me curious. Im not complaining, mind you (I actually think its way too cool when I get hits from outside of my area), if I minded people reading then I wouldnt be doing this at all. I just get curious as to how people stumble upon me. Such is the Inter Webs, I suppose.

This poor boy is going to have a complex.

Oh, and I managed to get my computer up to 34GB free, and its bothering me that there's 20GB used and I can only really account for 10GB of that.

Yesterday I crashed. I was finished work at 3:30pm, got home around 4pm and was asleep by 5:30pm. That lasted until about 8pm, when I woke up and put my jammies on and went back to bed. I didnt go back to sleep then, I played The Game (trial version) for a couple of hours and then went back to sleep until 5:30am. I feel better today. I woke up feeling somewhat rested. Worth the spending twelve hours in bed.

So yeah, I downloaded the trial version of The Game, but when it went to install it told me that there wasnt enough room. This took me a step back, my HD registers 53GB, there's only me using the computer, it shouldnt be full. No, it was. So I did a disk cleanup first thing. Then I deleted was the 25GB folder of movies/tv shows/music videos that I dont watch. I still dont know what's taking up all that space, so I've started uninstalling programs that I dont use anymore. I've decided to remove chat programs that I always forget to sign into, the ones where I only have one or two people on my list. Its nothing personal, Im still keeping MSN messenger, so Im still available. I just need the space. I primarily use my computer for webbased applications, so other than mp3s (and porn!) there really shouldnt be more than 10GB used.

That gave me enough to install the program. When it was starting it told me that I didnt meet system requirements. No, I know my computer meets system requirements, but for some reason my 1.6GB processor was only running at 1GB. My computer was not on battery, so it might have to do with the fact that I havent restarted it in weeks. The game played fine though. I really like it. Im not doing well mind you, but I really like it, and with practice I'll get better. I might buy it. Maybe.

I got to work today and got good news, Im getting a raise! Actually, its a raise I should have gotten on April 18th, so I will be getting a 11¢ raise, with retro pay dating back to April. That's eleven cents for every hour I've worked since April 18th. Color me excited! I wont see it on my next pay, but even if I get it on my December 16th pay I'll be set. I should call my lawyer too, to see if he's heard anything on my settlement. I could use a couple thousand dollars right about now.

Today at work was delightful! No, it wasnt because calls were slow, because they werent, but because I was off the phone for the entire day! See, the other day they had put out an expression of interest for people to temporarily move to another contract at Christmas. Now, because Im desperate to get off of the contract that Im currently on I, of course, put my name in right away. I come in to work today and they're doing basic training for this new contract, even though it wont be starting for another month. I cant tell you what it is, but I will say that it is a PC game released by a major corporation, and that its the third in its series. That is all I will say. ..on my blog. Anyway, Im downloading the trial version now so that I'll get a feel for it at least. If I like the trial I might just purchase the game.

I felt wasted most of the day. We got in last night about quarter to one and I had been messaged while I was away, and he was still online, so I talked to him for about twenty minutes and then went to bed. I only had about four hours of sleep though, not near enough to get me through the day. Janice had mentioned doing something tonight, but Im only going out if someone calls me. If nobody calls (or messages) me, I'll be just as content to stay in and go to bed early. Now I know why I dont stay out late on work nights. Bah!

Go see Rent. Im serious, if you see no other movie for the rest of the year, see Rent.

So I let Paul suck me into going to see Rent with him tonight. It was either that or listen to him whine all night about how much he wants to go see Rent. Catch though, we've already missed the early show so we have to go to the late show. That starts sometime after 9:30pm, when I should be in bed. Oh well, I'll just let him drive so that I can let myself relax on the way home and just go straight to bed. 5:15am will come early.

She's not in love
She's not in love
And she's never been happier
Her heart's not broken,
She's not hurt
She's not in love
She's not in love
And she's never been happer
No, she's never been more content
She's never been happier
In her life

Kim Stockwood - She's Not In Love

Im exhausted today and Im not sure why. I got up at quarter to nine and went up to the hospital for my respiratory test. First she did the basic test and it came close to what it should have been for my height/weight/history. Then she gave me four shots of a Ventilin inhaler and tested me again. It improved, but not by a whole lot. Then she gave me two shots of a steroid inhaler (similar to the Pulmicort that I was on for years) and even though I felt better when she tested me there wasnt much of a difference yet again. My doctor is just going to blow me off, I know it. The woman who was testing me said that when they do the pulminary function tests at the hospital in GB, they test for things like how long it takes for the oxygen to be absorbed into your bloodstream, something that can cause shortness of breath, so my doctor might want to send me for a full PF test. He's not going to do that. I've been through those rounds of tests twice already in my lifetime. I havent had a big change in my life to cause anything different to show up on those tests. I havent had a big weight gain or loss, I was never a smoker, I've been working the same job the past three years, Im not living anywhere different, and Im not eating any differently. This makes me so frusterated. Its got to be an allergy or something. From the time I wake up Im short of breath, it might get better during the day, but if I eat certain foods it starts again. Red meat is a killer. I've been tested for a food allergy, but they couldnt find anything. I have not had a full allergy workup since I was nine, though, so he may want to do that. I might be allergic to dust mites or something, which could explain why I find it worse when I wake up and go to bed. I have a feeling like he's just going to blow me off though.

I spent from 11am until maybe ten minutes ago sitting and painting. I got it all finished and Im actually quite proud of what I got accompilished. From far away you'd think I purchased them like that, and not painted them myself. Other than my brother and my parents, I now have all of my Chrismas shopping done PLUS Kim's birthday present bought and wrapped. And its only November 21st.

I just realized that I have been up since 5:30am and I havent eaten anything. I should maybe get on that...

Im all kinds of wonderful today! At twenty after eight this morning I was allowed to go home. I only left early because it technically gives me a three day weekend. I didnt want to go right home though, it was too early for that. I decided that I was going to go shopping for something for Kim for her birthday. Yeah, I know its a couple of weeks away, but I figured I'd get that out of the way now. Anyway, the store wasnt open yet so I figured I'd kill time roaming around Wal*Mart for a bit. Other than Paul and my parents, I've pretty much got all my Christmas shopping done. I was going to buy everybody something, but I felt crafty today and instead Im gonna, get this, paint. Kay, really guys, stop laughing, Im serious. Im going to paint things to give away for Christmas. You never know, I might just end up having to go out and buy all new gifts, but this is worth a try.

Kay, get this. Joe is just getting off of a call from a hotel employee about one of the computers in their lobby. What the issue was, the hotel guy wanted Joe to telnet into the computer and change the physical properties of the keyboard from UK English to American English so that the Americans at hotel could hit shift+2 to make a @ symbol.

!!!!!!!!

These people are friggin insane!

I decided that I like working at 7am. Yesterday I took my first call at about 7:53am. Today, I dont expect to be waiting that long, but its 7:15am and I have yet to get a call. This is wonderful. I even get to start the day sitting in a desk with nobody else around me! Well, the days that Judy (my supervisor) is off anyway. She sits over the wall from me, but Im sure I could avoid talking to her anyway. Its cold in here though, and Im wearing a sweater.

Omigosh! I just looked at my phone to make sure that I was still in available and I had been sitting in idle since the past fifteen minutes and nobody noticed. Shh.

Corrine starts teaching grade two this week. Im excited for her!

Chicken Little yesterday was too cute. I cant wait to own this movie.

I just stood up to holler something to Anne Marie and JB was all "What are you doing here?" and he looked genuinely surprised.

How can people be on the internet and have no idea what you're talking about when you tell them to browse?

Im wearing dress pants and fancy shoes today. Only to celebrate the fact that Im only working a half day today. This is way exciting.

I love being far away from everybody else, I dont look anti-social when I dont participate in the conversation. Robyn doesnt start for another hour, I'll be ready for interaction then.

This is a holiday week in the US and its the GREATEST THING EVAR because we wont be getting very many calls. We'll still get some calls from the us, and we'll get calls from Europe, but its going to be hella slow and I've been excited since last week.

I need to cut my nails. I should have brought my nail clippers with me.

I get to go for my respiratory function test tomorrow. So they can tell me that there's nothing wrong with me and its all in my head. I will go insane if they try telling me that. There's something wrong, if not Asthma, then it must be allergies.

I must call Janice and tell her that I wont be going to Curves with her tomorrow morning. I should really go to Curves this afternoon. Actually, with my new shift, there's no reason that I cant go Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday. Well, other than my breathing, but Im hoping to have something done about that.

Its 7:32am. Only four and a half hours to go! Its freezing in here, I think I'll bundle up and nap.

I have a friend who happens to be the most Catholic person that I know. Lately though, she's been posting a lot in her LiveJournal that she's questioning her faith. Well, not her faith in a god, but her faith in the Catholic church. It's been bringing me back to when I went through this a few years ago. I can empathize with her, and everything she's saying makes complete sense. A lot of what the Catholic church teaches you is backwards. Bunk. I was maybe twelve when I realized that science made sense to me. The Bible's story of creation? It was too mythical. There's skeletal proof of early humanoids. Proof! Tangable, physical, proof. I can believe that. From then on, I started to look at the Bible more like a book of mythology rather than anything factual. Yeah, it had great "and the moral of the story is" type of tales, but there were way too many fallacies for me to take it for fact.

So this was in my early teen years. Fast forward to my late teens, when I really started to question my beliefs. This was when I started to explore other religions. I did not agree with a lot of the teachings of the Catholic church. I do not agree that sex before marriage is bad, or that you shouldnt take birth control and have sex to enjoy it. Dont even get me started on homosexuality, PEOPLE ARE BORN THAT WAY THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. I also started realizing that the whole "The Lord is my shepherd" thing is true. I would sit in church during mass and watch the priest lead a prayer and the congregation would chant along with him. I was seeing sheep. This freaked me right the hell out. To me, it was like a cult and I did not feel a part of it.

Im going to tell a secret. My mother started hauling me to weekly mass when I was five or six. I stopped going to church when I was about twenty one or twenty two. During that time, not once did I pray. Not once. I would go to mass and sit and listen and not open my mouth unless it was to talk to somebody. I tried to be Catholic, because it was what I was supposed to be. I come from two Catholic parents, and my mother's family are really Catholic, (dont confuse that with closed-minded, we're kind of radical that way) but I wasnt comfortable calling myself that. I decided to educate myself on other religions when I was eighteen or nineteen. I steered myself more toward Paganism, especially Wicca. The problem with even that was, they have gods to worship. It took me years, but I finally realized that my problem was that I dont have it in me to actually worship a god. I wouldnt call myself an Athiest, I cant say for certain there is no god, but I cant say there is either.

When I was twenty I took a university class called The Existance of God. I forget who taught it, but that's where I learned the difference between an Athiest, and an Agnostic. Finally! That was it. I had a word to describe me and how I feel. This was all great and everything, but I live in a place where it is expected of you to be a Christian, or at least Jewish. You cant not believe, here, and I didnt. This was sort of a crisis, and how do I handle a crisis? I run and hide. I kept going to church until I was about twenty two and I had a blowout fight with my mother about going to church. I never told her that I stopped believing, just that I didnt feel comfortable going to church anymore. Since that fight, I've only been to church for funerals.

So, is that it? No. In the future, I dont want to be married in a church. If I have children, I dont plan on having them baptized (I dont want to force them into a religion). And, when I die, I dont want to have a Catholic funeral. I can not see me ever going back into a religion. I am a happier person without. But I am always open to learning, and the history of Christianity is fascinating. I would love to go back to school just to learn theology. I am fascinated by how easily people are led to believe. All it takes is a charasmatic leader, good or bad.

Dont get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for other people's religions. That is, until they try and force them down my throat, or use them to justify discriminating against people. No human has the right to discriminate against another human, that's just wrong.

Tomorrow is my first 7:00am shift. This means that I have to be out of my bed no later than 5:30am in order to get up, showered and dressed, and make the twenty minute commute to work. This is why I am "in bed" at half past seven on a Saturday night. I used quotations because even though Im down for the night, I am only just sitting on my bed catching up on blogs and whatnot like I always do before I actually go to sleep. I could easily be doing this upstairs on the chesterfield but I cant listen to music without headphones upstairs. I wear headphones all day at work, I like to listen to music through the computer speakers when Im at home. At the moment Im finally getting a chance to really listen to the Longpigs mp3s that Ratpouch sent me, um, heh, a week ago. I think I like this band.

Also, lately I find myself spending less and less time upstairs watching tv with my mother because she can be so annoying sometimes. Its "Jenna, do this" and "Jenna, do that" constantly! I was thrilled last night when Corrine invited me to her house to keep her company for a little while. We pretty much just sat in and watched Scrubs on her computer, then we got online with *gasp* dialup. It was great fun!

Tomorrow I am still supposed to be going to see Chicken Little with Janice and Alex, and Amy as well. Janice and I have been playing phone tag since yesterday trying to make plans, but I left a message with her boyfriend today with plans as they sat. Hopefully she'll get it. Either way I'll call her tomorrow morning when Im on break or something just to verify with her. I get so used to electronic forms of communication, that phone tag is extra frusterating. I heard the movie was awesome though, and I cant wait to see it!

Kay, so I left work early because I was tired and frusterated and I get home and there's nobody here. Weird since my brother should have been home from school by that time. Anyway he got home like ten minutes ago and he got another bar through his tongue! That makes three (yes three) barbells through that boy's tongue. Yes, he's mentally insane. I think one is enough and there's no way in heck that I'd get another bar through my tongue. I just have to shake my head at him.

Oh, and he passed out cold after it was done and was out long enough that the Wizzard had to stop the tattoo he was doing and go and check on him. Obviously my brother was mortified when he was leaving. Good enough for him.

Now I want another tattoo. Send pictures of butterflies here.

*sigh*

I got my shift. I did not get Mondays off. I now start at 7am. Three days I work until 6:00pm and two days I work until 12:00pm (noon). I am off on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I am not exactly pleased with this shift, I dont like working ten hour days. I am really not going to like working at 7am, but it was either that or take a shift that had me here until 10pm or later. I was not doing that. I'll just have to suck it up until the next shift bid.

It never fails, I get a shift at work that I absolutely love, and a month later they bid us again and I get stuck with something stupid. Our shift bid is tomorrow morning and it is ugly. I know Im going to get stuck with something totally hideous and Im going to start wanting to quit again. This is where I would normally say I want to hang myself, but I dont want anybody to take me seriously. *sigh* Im tired.

I missed Curves with Janice today, I wasnt sure what time we were going and when I called she was already gone. Oh well. I didnt go at all actually, I went yesterday. Today I decided to get some things done. I didnt actually do much, I mended a pair of pants and two bras (I need new bras) and cross stitched like crazy. I actually havent touched my computer in like twelve hours. This is a LOT for me, especially on my day off. Anyway, bed, 6:45am comes way early.

Lets get one thing straight, this is not why I want an iPod.

Guess who has curly hair. I'll give you a hint: me. It is me.

"There are just so many variables that go beyond the physical in sex for women," says Dr. Janice Epp, a clinical sexologist at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. "They want to be treated as equals, to be treated respectfully, to not be angry. Without all that women are not interested in sex."

I feel validated. Now, to find a guy who understands that.

paul says: lol, i enjoy visiting your floor
.eye candy. says: oh we're fun
paul says: well, i enjoy visiting every other floor, i need to get away from mine everyonce and a while
.eye candy. says: especially on fridays when broomhilda isnt there
paul says: when is she there?
paul says: what days
paul says: or when is she not there, just fridays
.eye candy. says: she's off friday/saturday
paul says: was she there today?
.eye candy. says: yes
paul says: i didnt see the big hat, i didnt notice her
.eye candy. says: hahahahahahaha
paul says: she must have been under someones desk

I havent been up to much lately, pretty much just work. I did go to Janice's last night and hung out with her and Alex for a couple of hours. It was nice to get out of the house. The three of us were supposed to go see Chicken Little tonight but payday is next week, so we'll make a go of it then. I even put in to get next Sunday afternoon off to go to the matinee.

We can thank Christa for suggesting that I download Weird Al mp3s. She may have created a monster.

What's this with everyone getting engaged lately? Is it something in the water? Right, Amanda and Corrine?

I've really been debating what Im going to do with my life. I might just say fuckit and go to Asia for a year or two and teach little kids how to speak English. My mother's already suggested it. At least I might be able to get all my bills paid off quickly. I still want to live in Europe (especially the UK), but I'd like to get rid of most, if not all, of my debt first. Sounds like a plan.

The last time I was talking to Susan she mentioned plans for New Year's Eve and it got me thinking. This will be the first New Year's in five years that I've been single. I have no qualms about this, dont get me wrong, it will just be different. Im having the time of my life being single and, to tell the truth, I dont want to be in another relationship for a long time. If Im going to be moving, especially overseas, Im afraid a relationship will just hold me back. There's that, and Im afraid I'll let myself become the same person that I was before, and I really dont want that. *sigh* Like I told Janice, Im over him, Im just not over me yet. She assured me that there was no faulting in me for that, but still, that's another post altogether.

My aunt Maria had dinner tonight rather than Sunday, so I went. Roast beef was on the menu, not a personal favorite, but hey, I didnt cook it. Im home now and I cannot breathe. Im actually weezing, and I never get like this, even when Im sick. Why am I so bad? Maria has two cats. Even though they were outside most of the time, and even when they were in I didnt touch them, there would be cat hair and dander everywhere (this is natural, I understand this). My mom is still there, I left and came home. Bed soon I think.

I've only seen one Rememberance Day comic all day. I was kind of disappointed at that.

.eye candy. says: im like, bored
.eye candy. says: at this rate i'll be in bed by 9:30
Princess Amanda says: i hear ya
Princess Amanda says: i know but i don't wanna be in bed at 930
.eye candy. says: no, lol, that makes me a loser
Princess Amanda says: and we are NOT losers
.eye candy. says: yer right. we're just available
Princess Amanda says: exactly
Princess Amanda says: independent to do what we feel whenever we like
.eye candy. says: that's a good way to put it
Princess Amanda says: i thought so
.eye candy. says: you forgot "with whomever we feel"
.eye candy. says: hehe
Princess Amanda says: oh yes my bad

I might be chubby, but I have enough self-respect not to go around looking like this.

I discovered this blog and I think it is beautiful.

One of the children's hospitals that will benefit from Child's Play will be our very own IWK! Talk about cool as hell.

So I actually had an "Oh no you didnt!" moment this afternoon at work. I was working with a man who I had originally pegged to be Irish, but told me that he was from Montreal (although I think he meant Newfoundland) and he was having problems browsing. I had him verify that he could ping out and when I told him that I was going to ping him he shouted "OUCH!". He actually startled me when he did it because I really was not expecting that and I think I made a noise, so he started busting a gut laughing, thinking he was right hilarious. It kind of threw me off for the rest of the call, and him being all chatty didnt really help that (I hate it when they're chatty). I still dont actually know whether to find it hilarious, or just roll my eyes. It was certainly the most memorable call of the day.

I was just speaking with a lovely gentleman who was staying in Slough, UK:

guest: So, where are you located, the US?
me: No sir, Im in Canada.
guest: Its sort of the same thing from over here. Sorry 'bout that.

He actually seemed genuinely apologetic about it, it amused me.

The state of Kansas has decided that "science" will now include the theory of Intelligent Design. Someone please explain to me how religion came to be a part of science. Creationism is a religious belief and such should be taught in churches, not in schools. The scientific community does not recognize ID as being a scientific belief, but pseudoscience. What's next, astrology being taught in science class? This makes me spitting angry, it really does.

And to make matters worse, Fark actually listed this article with a 'cool' tag. It should have been an 'asinine' tag as far as Im concerned.

UPDATE! The school board that voted for ID has now been ousted.

I dont know what Im doing yet for New Year's Eve, but I think I know how I'll be wearing my hair. It's not going to be ringlets like we did two years ago. I am not interested in sitting for four hours getting my hair done, again. I was so impressed with my hair yesterday, at least the way it turned out toward the end of the day. At lunchtime, when we went to the mall it was a tad large (my brother has a thing for giving people large hair, like how I like listening to horrible music) but then we got back to school and he combed it out and it was just really soft wavy curls.

My brother's teacher is turning out to be kind of a bitch. Yesterday, Audrey was wearing a black sheer blouse with a tank top underneath. Actually two tank tops, layered, and the blouse was long sleeved. The instructor was across the room and told Audrey, in front of everybody, that she was showing too much skin. This was wrong, obviously, because she singled Audrey out in front of the class (plus models like me), and because she totally was not showing too much skin. Paul said that the instructor has a similar blouse, herself, that she wears with a tank top underneath, so she shouldnt have been saying anything to Audrey.

Personally I didnt hear the comment, it must have been during the 45 minutes that my brother had stuck me under the dryer and forgot about me after Allison sucked him into doing her model's hair. It was Allison who eventually rescued me in the end. He's not going to be allowed to throw me under the dryer anymore.

I was going to go back under and have Amy cut my hair, but I figured I'd wait until I went back over on Monday. If you're wondering why I was going to be getting Amy to do my hair, rather than my brother, its because my brother's scissors are away getting sharpened and he has a loaner pair that he's not all that comfortable with. Plus Amy needed a haircut to get points.

After I got a shower today, I flat ironed my hair and put makeup on ..to go buy candy. You know, in case I see a cute boy ..buying candy. I have to keep up appearances and whatnot. I also put on one of my new sweaters (that I couldnt live without) to see how it wore. They're really soft like the one Kim had on the other night and I decided that Im keeping both sweaters. One is baby pink, the other is chocolate brown and they both have sparkley thread woven in! I shouldnt really need anymore new clothes for the next few months though. Well, I need a new dressy winter coat, but I dont need that quite yet. And I can always look for that as a Christmas present because Paul is getting a new coat.

OoOoOoOoO! I totally almost forgot that I recieved my new QC tshirt today! I bought the pink ASCII heart one and I love it, a lot.

And speaking of clothes, I probably should get started on the boatload of laundry that I have to do tonight, else I have no clean undiewears for tomorrow. That would not be performance.

I had a really fun day, and some really fun things happened, but it just wouldnt sound interesting to relay it.

I did, though, go to the mall and spend money I really didnt have on two sweaters that I just couldnt live without. I hafta stop that.

Corrine, this is why I never show my teeth in photos. It looks like the only teeth I have are the two front ones. I hate my teeth.

PS: I was trying to get a good pic of how awesome my hair looked today (more on that later, maybe) but it wouldnt go right. This is why I need to get a new fancy schmancy camera, cuz I look awesome in the mirror.

Grey's Anatomy was, again, awesome! I need a boy to kiss me like that :)

My brother and I started this thing where, for something different to do, we go out to a sit-down restaurant and have dessert with coffee/cocktails. Restaurants like the one in the Casino, or Pizza Delight, or Boston Pizza. You know, somewhere where you dont wear your jogging pants in to eat. That said, Paul had suggested to Karla and Nadene to go out for coffee and dessert tonight. He called me from the road to tell me that when he told them coffee and dessert, they thought Tim Horton's. Once I calmed down from laughing I said "Paul, you know this means we're prissy, right?" which set him off into a fit of laughter. I already know I can be a snob, but now Im prissy too...

The song that Im currently obsessed with is called Sparkle Me by The Buffseeds. Its very snuggley. You'll know what I mean by that if you listen to it.

I havent done anything out of the ordinary the past few days. Last night Kim and I went to Pizza Delight for a bite. We both had fajita salads, yummy! I gave her my sour cream, and she gave me her salsa so it was a fair trade. The salsa had an alcohol taste though, yeasty, like beer. It became a little strong when I was getting toward the end. Overall the salad was really yummy though, I will get it again for sure. We also had dessert. She had the cinnamon rolls on the skillet with frosting and I had the chocolate mousse that had the same consistancy as the cheesecake that my brother had that time. Only mousse is supposed to be like that. It was good though. And I got kind of gussied up to go out. I was wearing jeans, yes, but I was wearing snappy shoes and *gasp* makeup. I even shaved my underarms for the occasion, even though I knew I wouldnt be taking my coat off. Its all about feeling pretty.

Susan and Amy are gone to see Elizabethtown tonight. I was invited to go, but the movie starts when I plan to be in bed. That just doesnt work. I still really want need to see Chicken Little. Is anybody interested in going on Thursday night? Message me if you are.

Kim said that I had awesome cleavage tonight :)


...Hey, when you're in my position, you take your compliments where you can get 'em.

I learned today that tickets for the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter film on November 17th are available for purchase now. Im not a huge HP fan, but I saw the last one in theatre and it was a fun experience. I enjoy seeing big action-type films in theatre. More importantly though, Chicken Little opens tonight!

One thing that makes me um, uncomfortable about getting older is the changing relationship that I have with my mother. Its weird that she's going from less like the overbearing, controlling, parental figure to more like a peer. It was one thing for her to not have a problem with me going out drinking, then not having to worry about her not approving of me dressing like a skank when I do so. Then there's being able to gossip about things, and make cracks about things like I do with my brother. I joke with Paul how Mum is "maturing" as we get older, but Im sure its the other way around.

Tonight her and I were watching television and there was a show on about a woman who had a bunch of escort services in the US and she casually remarks "I see no problem with that". I know I probably made a face because I was thinking "What? You're Catholic!". But I looked at her and asked "Prostitution?", and she said that she had no problem with legalized prostitution (neither do I, for that matter). I never woulda figured that out of my mother.

From a show I was watching last night about vampires: "Like feeding, sex is better with a willing partner." One would assume, anyway.

My family is big on get-togethers. My mother and her siblings, for my entire life, have gotten together every Sunday for dinner. Besides that, we get together for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year's Day, Mockey's* birthday, Easter Sunday, and Hallowe'en. Not all of these holiday get-togethers include the same family (some are Mum's siblings, some are her cousins), but they all involve at least twenty people. That's your backstory.

*Mockey is the name (her given name is Margaret) of my mother's aunt. She was the youngest of her family (nine children) and never married and still lives in the old (over a century) homestead. She's more like a grandmother to me than my own grandmother (my father's mother) ever was. Her and my mother have a mother/daughter relationship, given that my mother's own mother died when Mum was seventeen. The get-togethers for her birthday, New Year's Day, Easter Sunday, and Hallowe'en all take place at her house. Last night being Hallowe'en, obviously you know where Im going with this.

So every Hallowe'en we all (which includes us, and Mum's cousins) all get together at Mockey's to watch fireworks and eat fuarag. These traditions are obviously old. Anyway, after that there's usually sandwiches and sweets and tea, that type of thing. You dont leave hungry, trust me. So last night, we're out in the yard putting off fireworks and a bunch of kids (13 or 14 years old) went through the yard and into the park. A couple of minutes later they light a firework and kinda aim it at us (group of at least twenty people). So they all start yelling at the kids and we resume our show. A few minutes later the kids light another one and into the yard it comes almost hitting one of the littler kids. That was it, the police were called, and they came in their SUV and went into the park after the kids who, by the time they got there, had moved further down into the park. Then a police cruiser came into the yard to talk to Mum's cousin John who knows most of the cops in town anyway because he's a firefighter and whatnot. It was quite exciting.

When they lit the big one, our "grand finale", so to speak, I reacted by ducking behind Jenelle and Paul totally soccer mom'ed her and covered her face. That was hilarious, actually. All in all it was a really fun night. It makes me kinda sad that it was the first time I had gone in a few years, due to having to do things with the ex. If Im with someone next year he'll be going with me.