Im not going to rant today, I swear.

Im going to have company on the ride to work for the next week or maybe more. My friend's car died and until she gets a new one she'll be coming with me for the drive to work on the days that we work together. It'll be great. Sometimes talking to yourself on the way to work just isnt what its cut out to be.

Boyfriend and I are dying our hair tonight. The same color. We're becomming one of those couples. Its great! His will come out better than mine will because I color my hair all the time. Hopefully mine will come out alright.

Im going to call Student Loan on Monday and get them to defer my payments for the next 6mths. I cant wait. It'll be an extra $300/mth in my bank account. I can save up and hopefully pay my insurance in full next year instead of going month to month. I think that's my best option. Then, when I go to school next year, I'll only have to worry about my bi-weekly car payments, cellphone, and rent/food. I'll be able to afford to work part-time, or go on EI if I need to. Plans, plans, plans.

I've become addicted to salty snack foods. Chips/cheesies, bits & bites, sunflower seeds, etc. Im gonna be so fat! I think Im starting to retain water as it is. Once I have a little bit of money I think Im going to join Weight Watchers, or maybe just go see the dietician and join the gym.

I have to get a pap test. My doctor isnt going to see me again until I get one, he already said. I am going to have to go see him soon because Im on the last month of my birth control. Ugh, I hate going to the doctor. Besides, I've never had a pelvic exam and quit frankly Im a little scared. I'm not going to get my own doctor to do it. I dont want him poking around in there. I'll have to call the clinic and find out when I can get a random doctor to do it. At 22, I really shouldnt be freaking about a simple procedure, I know, but I just cant help it.

I probably wont post on the weekend when Im home. I hardly use my home computer, too many people around. I'd move out if I could afford it. I think I may get along better with them if I didnt live at home. Hrmm...

I've really gotta stop ranting about the gay marriage issue. Im sure its getting boring for those reading (yes, all 4 of you). I dont even live in the US, so really whatever decision they come to will not affect me at all. It will not affect anybody that I know personally either. So really, what am I bitching about? It just bothers me, scratch that, angers me that King George is ignoring all of the problems that he has caused and is taking time out of his busy schedule to publicly and openly discriminate against an entire group of people. Better men than him have been shot. *sigh* I probably will rant about it again, but I'll try for the next little while to come up with something different to rant about.

...How about religion? Religion sounds good. Those who know me personally know that Im a Heathen. I was raised to be Catholic (very Catholic), but as the cliche goes, you can take the girl to church, you just cant force her to believe. I dont think I ever really believed. Even when I called myself a Christian, I didnt believe what the Bible said. I think I just wasnt ready to just take what was told to me and file it away as "truth". Besides the fact that the science of evolution and whatnot is just a little too plausable than the stories told in the Bible.

Fast forward to the late 20th century. Starting when I was about 18 years old I started doing a lot more research and I eventually came to the conclusion that I just dont have faith. Its just not there. Im too much of a pessimest. I am not an Athiest. I have never and will never call myself that. Besides the fact that I dont like labels, that one just does not suit me. An Athiest is a person who states "I believe there is no god." The phrase "I dont believe in god." is not an Athiest statement. It is an Agnostic statement. (For those who dont know, an Agnostic is someone who neither believes or disbelieves in an almighty being, someone who leaves it open to interpretation.) I dont believe in god, but I dont call myself an Agnostic for that matter. I am an Apathist. I just dont care. There might be a god(s) out there somewhere, who am I to say for certain that there isnt? But if god(s) exists, what have he/she/they done for those of us on Earth anyway? Nothing. Nada. Zippo. Zilch.

I dont believe in "Heaven" or "Hell". Those are terms which we should apply to how we choose to live our lives. I certainly dont feel organized religion is for me, no matter what it is. I dont want someone standing on a soapbox telling me what to believe. Telling me what is right and wrong. THAT is what is wrong. Morality is relative. Everyone has different morals. What I believe is the right thing to do is probably going to clash with other people's ideas of what is right and wrong. That's ok. I can deal with that. I do have a problem with people who discriminate against other people. That really bothers me.

Another thing that bothers me is when people say that they're a certain religion, but dont practise it. Im going to use Catholics for example, because that is what I am familiar with, but Im sure that this happens with all religions. Just because someone is baptized, does not make them Catholic. Just because someone believes in God, and that Christ as the "son of God" does not make them a Catholic. You can be confirmed and married in a Catholic church, but it doesnt make you a Catholic. What makes you a Catholic is going to church on a regular basis, praying on a regular basis, celebrating ALL of the Catholic holidays, not just Christmas and Easter.

My mother for example, is a Catholic. She goes to church every Saturday evening (weather and health permitting of course). She goes to church for every holiday. She eats pancakes for supper on Shrove Tuesday. She gets her ashes on Ash Wednesday, and doesnt eat meat on that day. Or Good Friday either. She attends Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter mass. She also attends mass for Christmas and New Year's and all the other special occasions in-between. Its people who stop going to church after they have their kids baptized but still call themselves Catholic that piss me off. Sure they're still Christians, but not Catholic. Its like saying that you're a vegan, when you eat dairy and eggs.

There, I got that rant out of my system. There are lots more, which will eventually sneak out.

King George II is making himself look like nothing more than a baffoon the more he objects to the gay marriage issue.

The more people say that it has to do with morals, the more it makes me resent bigotted, hypocritical Christians.

Arrgh!

Top reasons why Gays & Lesbians should NOT get married.

.Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

.Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.

.Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

.Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

.Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

.Gay marriage should be decided by people not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

.Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

.Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

.Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

.Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

.Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer life spans.

.Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

Stolen from here.

My friend's little boy is turning a year old tomorrow, so they had his birthday party today. Out of the six kids that were there, the best behaved one were the Birthday Boy, and the younger baby who was there. The four older kids were rowdy and into everything, which I can handle. Boyfriend was saying on the way out that it was birth control enough for him. I told him that being around kids like that (not bad, but not minded by their parents) it just makes me want to have one so I could raise it my way.

When I was younger we would never have been allowed to get away with not listening. We couldnt get away with anything when we were younger. Actually, we knew better than to even try. A lot of parents today are younger when they have kids, and they let their kids get away with anything and everything. Its annoying when Im out for dinner, or at the movies, or the mall, etc. I can handle that at a little kid's birthday party. I'd have a baby now if Boyfriend would agree to it. I know Im mature enough (even though Im only 22) to be able to handle it. For now though, Im dealing with still living at home, and having dogs.

Its snowing again today. A lot. In a couple of hours the roads had probably 5cm or so. Im in for the night so Im set. Some chips would be nice though..

We've had more snow fall over the past couple of days, than fell in the three months before it. The province declared a state of emergency and everything closed. I even had a day off of work because of it. I got a little pissy when my boyfriend got pissed off that I wouldnt go to his house in the storm. That was probably the only downside of the day. I had a headache towards the end of the night because all I did was sit and watch TV the whole day, but I slept on it and it was gone when I got up.

Schools and stuff were still closed this morning when I was leaving. We're supposed to get more snow tomorrow and Sunday too. I hope we dont get a snow storm on Sunday. I have a party to go to. My friend's little boy is having his first birthday on Monday, so she's going to have his party on Sunday. Im looking forward to it.

Boyfriend was supposed to start his new job at the mall on Monday, but he left a message on my cell phone saying that they called him in tonight to work. Probably because the people who were supposed to work called in due to the snow. He said he liked it. He'll miss the money he would make a call center, but he'd probably like working at the mall better. At least I know he's not going to be forced to work on Sundays. We always do something together on Sunday.

So, I spun my car and put it off the road today on my way to work. It didnt go in the ditch though, it went into a snowbank. I was just after calling home when a car with 3 or 4 guys in it pulled up and pushed me out of the snow. It was nice of them to say the least. They looked like the guys on the "Reasons to smoke" commercials, including the cigarettes hanging out of all of their mouths. I was kind of afraid when they first pulled over, me being young and alone, and them being a group.

Im really tired today. With all the days off I had this week I got used to sleeping a lot. I still have an hour left of my shift before I get out of here, then I have to stop at Boyfriend's because I promised I'd stop by and give him some poon because I couldnt get there yesterday. He's still got the house to himself so Im gonna stay over his house again tomorrow like I did last Saturday. I might even shave my legs for the occasion.

The puppy has taken lately to violating the throw-pillows that we have on the couch. First she takes the pillow and fights with it, then she violates it. I suppose that some people's relationships work like that. Nonetheless I find it disturbing.

Happy Friday the 13th!!!!!

Im really tired of reading news stories about this state and that state rushing to ban gay marriges. Really now, is it really going to hurt the moral fabric of the American people to allow two men or two women enter into a legal binding relationship? No. The moral argument is bullshit. The argument about preserving families is bullshit. There are gay people who have better morals than a lot of straight people. There are gay people who will raise children better and who contribute more to the community than straight people. Times like this Im glad I live in Canada, where gay marriges are on their way to being legal.

The government of the United States boasts that they're the "land of the free", yet they're getting away with being openly prejudiced against a certain group of people. Actually making laws to not allow a certain segment of society not share the same rights as the rest of the population. Its hard to believe that the government of the "land of the free" is running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to make laws preventing gay marriges. As if that's a major threat to the American people. Why not work on children poverty, or the homeless, or the drug trade? Fuck, what business of the government's is it anyway who someone wants to spend the rest of their life with?

The way I look at marriage, its a legal union, and nothing more. The Christian church has always been against homosexuality, they're not going to change. They do not have to be forced to marry homosexuals, you can be married by someone other than a priest, in a place other than a church. Myself, I dont ever plan on getting married in a church, or by a priest. My ideal wedding would take place on a random day in June (a Thursday maybe), in the courthouse, with me wearing a pair of jeans and flip-flops. That's it, nothing fancy. I dont want a hoop-la over the signing of a document. A big wedding is just a waste of money. I'd rather save my money and go on a kickass honeymoon.

Its time for me to sign onto my phone now, let the games begin.

I cant help but post this. I got an email tonight, from someone that I used to be close to, in response to my post from yesterday. Nobody has ever gone out of their way like that to make me feel good about myself. I was honestly touched. I'll let you read. (Obviously Im keeping the writer's identity confidential)


I don't really know how to start this off. Last week when i was home sick i was friggen around with my MSN bored out of my tree. Anyways, i'm just going to get to the point rather than beating around the bush. On my journey of boredom, I stumbled upon something interesting... your blog. You can say ANYTHING you want to me. I mean you can tell me its none of my business, tell me off, tell me whatever you feel. I may be doing this because we aren't very close right now. (Though I like to think we once were). I read today what you wrote yesterday and it does worry me quite a bit. I have been thinking about this for awhile, what to say, should I say anything or not bother at all? I know you may be going through a lot of rough things presently and things still from recent or past events. We used to have great talks where you could get things off of your chest. I'm still here for you if you like. I really do have one wish though, i wish no matter how bad or rough things are you wouldn't hurt yourself. You really don't realize how great you actually are. You are a great friend, sister, daughter and all around a great person. You make an incredible girlfriend when treated right... even when you do feel like shit you are still nice about it and put up a good front. You can tell things like it is (though you do bottle a lot up) I know its your way to cope, but maybe its time to just BURST and let everything out. When you are angry or upset tell the person how it makes you feel. I know you like to avoid conflict, who doesn't like confrontation, but it could do a whole lot of good to tell someone right where to go and how fast they can get there! (Or the opposite...that you care). I mean the latter of keeping it inside to not talking at all could lead to something worse. More pain for you on the inside, them thinking there is nothing wrong...etc I just really wish for you, that you realize what a truly great person you are inside & out. I mean you are one of a kind (which is a good thing) quirky, funny, nice... etc I donno what this will mean to you if anything at all. Hopefully somewhat helpful to what you are thinking or feeling.

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
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Ever wake up and just know that it is going to be a miserable day? Today has been one of those days. I woke up today with the most increcible feeling of dread, and it certainly wasnt lying. I dont see it getting better anytime soon either. I've been miserably depressed since Friday, and Im sick of being lectured by my mother and my boyfriend about money. My mother just yells at me, Im used to that. Today I had to borrow a considerable sum of money from my boyfriend until I get paid in 3 days. He acted like I was asking him to donate a kidney. Then he proceded to make me feel less than a person for daring to ask him for money. He hasnt hurt me this bad in a while. He said that he wasnt mad at me, he was just mad. If he wasnt mad at me, he really didnt have to take it out on me. Not today, Im barely hangin on as it is. I've just been feeling that it might be a lot easier on everybody if I wasnt around...

*sigh*

I feel hungover today even though I havent drank since New Year's. Im just tired. This week is the first time I've worked 5 days in a row in months. I'll get used to it I suppose. I only have a short shift today though. Then I get to "stay in" with Boyfriend and do fuck-knows-what all night. If he asks me to sleep over I just might, so long as he's got booze. I have vodka at his house and I could use a couple of stiff ones tonight.

Drinks I mean. I only need one stiff one of those. Well, at a time anyway. *evil smirk*

I was told that I should tell stories. I dont have stories to tell, that's the problem. Or, maybe I just tell my stories outloud and dont feel like typing them out.

I just got a call from a Charter cable customer who is trying to network with a Linksys router. I hate those calls. The caller is obviously an IDIOT. Argh, morons annoy me. Only two hours left though! Well, two hours and four minutes exactly.

Hopefully it'll go quickly.

I really should be posting real posts, not Quizilla results, but I dont have any brainpower at the moment. And I really dont feel like posting relationship problems today.


Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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They way I know myself, this suits me perfectly:


I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew
you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You
are similar to a demon but slightly different
in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in
pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if
that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your
love of sin caused you to be cast from the
Heavens. They are black as raven wings and are
nearly as dark as your desires. You are
faithless and love it - you believe there is no
Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what
you want! You have a refined concept of what is
sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In
fact, you love chaos and view much of what you
do as a game. You are typically attracted to
those that will challenge your mind, power, and
wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you. It's
not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least
open to the concept, because you seek
excitement and passion everywhere and in
everyone. Chances are you have a special talent
for magick - you're a powerful being and you
know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you
like to try your powers of seduction and
manipulation, though your intent is rarely to
cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art
and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep,
dark place. While typically smirking, amused,
and sarcastic, you are capable of severe
revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled
by any other. In your eyes life is for
enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If
you're not having fun in your own twisted way,
you're not happy. You are easily bored with the
vast majority of people. You are most likely
drawn towards the Gothic subculture and
probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many
people look down on your seemingly careless
lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'.
Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're
damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook
most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to
none but themselves for power. Congratulations!
You're my kindred spirit. As far as I'm
concerned - you know what life is REALLY about.
Have fun...Muahaha.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Im having a very bad day already. I've had a feeling of dread since I woke up this morning. Things didnt get any better when I got to work. They're changing it all around AGAIN. This will be the third time we've been moved (that includes new supervisors) in a month. They put me with a supervisor who I specifically asked NOT to be put with. They said they'll move me and get back to me today. I dont even care anymore. I might just leave early tonight. We're really busy today too. We havent been busy in a month. I hate it already. They moved too many people to dial. It makes me want to quit. I just cant handle this shit today. I've been under the weather the past little while anyway.

Im on a call now. I might be able to make it through the day.

I was wandering around my archives, reading stuff I posted long ago and I came to a wall. THEY LOST MY FUCKING ARCHIVES. Im not very happy about this, but Im too tired to do anything about it. Maybe tomorrow.

*shakes fist*

Im bored. Really bored. Not just tonight, with life in general. Its like Im not going anywhere. I've stopped hoping that I'll ever move out. Waiting around for that to happen just stomped my hopes down to nothing.

One of my goals in life was to have a baby by the time I was 23. That wont happen. Im lucky if I'll have kids by the time Im 53 at the rate things are going.

I work constantly but I've got nothing to show for it. I never have money. Im always worried about money. Its only the beginning of February and I already cant wait until I get my income tax back. I wish someone would just make it all better. The part that makes me depressed is that there's nobody to make it all better. Nobody is going to come in and make all my problems go away. So Im left here wishing for something better.

I should stop wishing, it only makes me more depressed.