You represent... desire.
You sure are motivated. You have a definite knack
for getting what you want. You always put your
own interests before those of others, and you
almost always find youself being satisfied.
Though you have determination, try some
compassion. Putting others first occassionally
can get you even more satisfying relationships.


What feeling do you represent?
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Hah! Im desire. Like Im sexy or something. *shakes head*

I *cough*stole*cough* this idea from Steve's blog which I read every day.

I...

I am: an over emotional, obsessive compulsive, slightly neurotic, kinky little fuck with many personalities and a twisted sense of humour.
I think: way too much.
I know: that there is still a lot I need to learn.
I want: to buy a new car.
I have: really great friends that I wouldn’t trade the world for.
I wish: I could get rid of my student loan debt and start over.
I hate: people who throw away their friends when they meet a guy.
I miss: the days when I didn’t have to work for a living.
I fear: things that I probably shouldn’t.
I feel: like I'm sometimes taken for granted.
I hear: that Alaska is beautiful in the summertime.
I see: that I need to paint my nails.
I smell: with my nose.
I crave: getting to get a massage all the way down my spine.
I search: for an easy way to get thin.
I wonder: is this really as good as it gets?
I pretend: to be stronger than I really am.
I regret: ever going to university.
I love: being made to feel like Im the most important person in the world.
I long: to be whisked away to a romantic location and showered with gifts. Not likely, but I can hope..
I care: waaay too much.
I always: shampoo AND condition my hair in the shower.
I am not: always the person I pretend to be.
I believe: that there are too many things to believe.
I can't believe: any one of them are the absolute truth.
I promise: I'll be the one who gets hurt.
I dance: when I'm drinking.
I sing: in the car, by myself. Or when I'm drinking.
I cry: over things I probably shouldn’t.
I am not always: as strong as I should be.
I fight: when I think it is worth it.
I write: because I have a hard time expressing my emotions verbally.
I try: to be the person that I know I am on the inside.
I never: seem to get ahead.
I confuse: "want" and "need". I "need" a new car, but I "want" another tattoo.
I listen: only when I have to.
I can usually be found: in my cube at work.
I hide: from confrontation.
I am scared: of my own emotions.
I need: to learn how to save my money better.
I expect: things can only get worse before they can get better.
I should: stand up for myself more often.
I already: know most of my personal limitations.
I still: sleep with stuffed animals.
I would never: wish I was someone else.

I dont like ketchup ...and 24 other fun and interesting facts about me.

..I have to eat m&ms in order by color.
..Im afraid of being in water over my head.
..I have only had sex with one person. (I've kissed more than that)
..When Im home I sleep with 2 stuffed animals.
..I have one dog and 6 fish.
..I enjoy wearing skirts.
..Thirteen is my favorite number.
..Im addicted to cola pop lately.
..I've reciently discovered Bacardi coolers, and I like them.
..I've never been high.
..I currently have 2 tattoos and plan to get more.
..Guys with tattoos and piercings are SEXY! ;)
..I dont do sports.
..Some people say Im kinky. I say its only kinky the first time.
..I've really wanted to kill myself before.
..Somedays I really loathe my job.
..When Im upset Im more likely to hurt myself than reach out to someone.
..I have my tongue pierced as well as my belly button.
..Busy signals make me angry.
..I dont like to express my emotions.
..Im afraid of earthworms.
..I dont like being social in crowds of people I dont know.
..I LOVE cheese.
..I love homemade blueberry pie.

With all the relationship troubles that I've been having lately it got me thinking about relationships.

There's a couple that I know. I used to be really good friends with both of them. They started going out about 6 months ago and since then they've cut all ties to any of us. They get invited places and ALWAYS say no. He doesnt go anywhere with "the boys" and she's got no contact with me and makes no effort to even reply to any emails I've sent her about going places and doing things. From where I stand (and there are many who agree with me) she's a stuck up two faced bitch and he's a pansy assed pussy whipped little weenie.

Fuck them.

As frusterated as I get with my own relationship there's nothing that makes me more pissed off than a couple who is that naive. No relationship is perfect. Its natural to fight. What's not natural is to only want to spend your time with the other person. You will eventually at some point get sick of spending ALL of your free time with him/her. You need the companionship of other females/males. You NEED to have breathing room. By only spending time with each other in the first few months of the relationship you do nothing but push everyone else away. Most people take hints quickly. If you act like you're too good to be around the people you used to thrive with before, now that you've got a significant other, than those people will not be waiting for you when you decide you need your breathing room. Those people will only be there to kick dirt at you when you fall flat on your face running from the "perfect" relationship you had and tripping on reality along the way.

Grow up.

Dont throw *everybody* away because you found one person. That one person isnt going to replace everyone else. Sure its natural to lose people along the way, losing people is not the same as deciding you're better than everyone else. It will always come back to bite you in the ass.

I was best friends with a girl for like 5 years and she started dating a guy and was in love with him right away, the whole sappy sickening story. Her and I stopped talking not long into her relationship with him because he was away and she was jealous of my relationship. As soon as my boyfriend went back to school she wanted to be friends again. A couple of months later her and her boyfriend got engaged and she decided that she didnt need friends anymore, she had a "fiance". Well, that was over a year ago and since then they've had a baby and stopped being engaged. She's still got no friends, and I've heard on more than one occasion that he's been keeping another girl's company in a nearby town. Sometimes I feel sorry for her, being stuck home with a kid and no friends, but she brought it on herself.

The people you push away, are never waiting for you when you fall on your ass. But some people need to learn those lessons the hard way.

This was too funny, I had to share it:

my mom: What are you doing in the kitchen?
me: Making juice.
mom: What kind of soup?
me: Im making juice, not soup.
mom: Well why are you making it in a pot?
me: Im making it in a glass not a pot.
mom: Well with all the noise you're making it sounds like you're making it in a pot.

I could only shake my head and laugh at her.

Masochist


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I suppose thats true about me.

By the way Im eating sour skittles. Everyone's ideas of comfort food is different

The other day I had started a post about how since Boyfriend and I decided to "start over" things have been great and how I had never been happier. I had to restart my computer and never got to finish the post.

Yesterday Boyfriend found my blog and read it and got all pissed off at some of the things I had posted, calling me dishonest and whatnot. He refused to listen to what I had to say. I tried to explain to him that I use this blog to vent so I dont take things out on him and cause unnecessary friction in the relationship, he didnt want to hear any of it. He got out of my last post that I wanted to dump him and wouldnt hear it when I tried to tell him otherwise. He just doesnt get it that Im trying to bend over backwards to make him happy. I dont think he WANTS to get it. I've tried apologizing and explaining myself to him so that he'll understand. I've done my part, now its his turn.

I called him last night on the way to my friend's house. He got a tone in his voice when I told him where I was going that he wasnt happy, that he'd have rather me stayed home or something. Frig that. If he can go out with the boys and leave me home alone sick, than I can go visit a friend who I havent seen in a month when he's pissed off at me.

I hope that he'll actually give me a chance and listen to what I have to say instead of already making up his mind about what's what and that he's right no matter what. I dont want his stubbornness to end our relationship when it was finally starting to look like it was getting better. Even if he reads this post, it'll probably just make him even more pissed off because he'll read it and get things out of it that I never intended. Its like no matter what I do its not good enough for him. I dont think he realizes that all I ever do is try and be the girlfriend that he wants me to be. Most of what I do is to please him. *sigh*

"Starting over" doesnt seem any different than how we were puttering along before. Starting Monday he'll be working at the same place Im currently working, on the same floor but different shifts. We'll see how that goes, whether it strengthens or collapses our entire relationship. I find it hard to get my hopes up. I shouldnt be so jaded but after everything I've been through I cant help but be jaded about the whole thing.

We're busy today at work, but not too busy. Only 4 people called in sick, unlike 20 that we normally see call in on a Saturday. I guess the rain forced people to come to work. Oh well, I should take another call.

So Boyfriend and I decided to "start over". Neither one of us were happy with the relationship where it was at the present time. Soo... here we go right back from the beginning. Who knows if it will actually work or not, I have a feeling we're going to end up right back at that place where we've been for the past little while. I'll just have to wait and see.

The talk we had was good. He informed me that a couple of weeks ago he debated telling me that he wanted to go on a break from each other to figure shit out, but decided against it. I let him know that a few months ago when I was really unhappy I debated breaking up with him for good. I didnt tell him ALL the reasons that I was debating breaking up with him, but I got through to him how unhappy I was, and how lately I havent been all that much happier. It was the first time that I felt like he wanted to spend time with me in the longest time. It felt good.

Time to sign onto my phone and take calls. Hopefully today will be a good day