So its one thing to take him to someone's house and have him run inside for a few minutes to buy weed, but its something completely different to pick up some guy from the sidewalk downtown, and drive around the block while they make their transaction. That's a drug deal. I find it amusing now, but at the time I had anxiety because its almost as bad as when I accompanied my brother to pull up to some guy's truck in a parking lot and exchange $20 for a bag of illegal cigarettes. I love where I live.

Its been a fairly miserable week otherwise. Thursday he got hurt pretty bad at work (on top of them fucking him over) and I had to rush in to take him to the ER and get checked out. Mark him out of commission. Friday I was forced to spend the afternoon in a car with my mother, which left me feeling worthless and crying the rest of the day. He and I did stop in and see Corrine at work though, which was fun, and he bought a Wii. Saturday, again, Mother had me in tears all day, and combine that with him being cranky and irritable and sensitive because of the pain from his foot and I had a miserable night sleeping over and I cried myself to sleep as he snored next to me. By the time I got home Sunday from spending the afternoon visiting Marilou and Chris I was absolutely exhausted. Between spending the entire weekend crying, and having driven a total of like three hours that day I was spent.

I've spent enough time living with someone who has a chronic pain condition that I understand that when you're in a lot of pain you're cranky and irritable and sensitive, but it just felt like we were reliving our previous relationship all over again. I was depressed and upset, but I was too afraid to say anything to him for fear of inadvertently saying something that would set him off, which of course made me to feel worse. Combine that with his difficulty walking, and his room had that all too familiar smell of cigarettes and weed. The only difference this time was that he wasnt looking me in the face and telling me that he didnt do drugs.

Despite having an awesome day Monday with Corrine and Jill, its safe to say that by Tuesday I was a mess. We werent even actually fighting, we were just both on edge, him from the pain and me from the stress of everything. It didnt help that I was told by a friend that a girl I used to work with was mouthing off saying that before long he'll cheato on me again because "he always cheats on all of his girlfriends". (Note: when you fake pregnancies, you really have no place gossiping about other people) Im sure spending the evening apart is what did us a world of good. I had a relapse, but then I called him and for the first time in almost a week I felt better. The stress that had been sitting on my shoulders, keeping me on the edge of crying, was finally gone. We spent the whole day together today and it was awesome. Im spending the night tomorrow, but then Friday starts preparations for the party, and Saturday Im getting a well deserved drunk on.

Im ruined and the internet did it to me.

Sometimes when Im too lazy busy to put my laundry away immediately I'll dump it in a pile on the floor until I can put it away. So there was a little brown monster curled up on my pile of otherwise clean clothes, and I wanted a pair of jeans from this pile to wear to go housesitting for the night with my boyfriend. Im always talking to my dogs, usually just asking why they're looking at me like that, or announcing what Im about to do. So as I leaned down to pick up this particular pair of jeans from the floor I looked at the dog and said "I can has pants?".

See, ruined I tell you. Ruined.

He's been so upset the past couple of days, today I did what any awesome girlfriend would do: I took scantily clad photos of myself with my cell phone and txted them to him. Now he'll have spank material with him wherever he goes! Actually Im pretty proud of myself over it. Every now and then I have these bursts of self esteem, like when I purchased (and wore) a bikini this summer. Maybe its just that I feel more confident in myself the less clothing that I wear. Then again, Im a sexual person, so that might explain it.

Naturally because this season I actually started watching television again, and got into quite a few shows (not just Grey's Anatomy like last year), they had to go and have a writer's strike. While Im somewhat disapointed, all is not lost. I can always go ahead and download past seasons of shows that I failed to watch previously, or were on channels like HBO or Showcase that I dont get. My favorite show to watch right now is Dexter, and I have to download that to watch it anyway. Currently Im redownloading the first season so that he can watch it. I filled him in on the shows so far and he asked me to download the first season for him to get caught up. I have a feeling it might be because I went and got all caught up on Heroes before this season started just so that I could watch it with him.

Guh, I've still got an hour to kill until I can burn my shows. I think I'll curl up with my iPod and listen to some Brand New or The Used.

He wasnt offended at all that I was under the opinion that he'd have sex with anything that would pay attention to him, but he was appalled that I would think he'd have sex with a certain person who I used to be friends with. I dont know if "amusing" would be the word I'd use, but its certainly odd. I mean, I had heard long ago (from reliable sources of course) that she had tried to pick him up at a bar, and then he confirmed that story a couple of weeks ago when she came into conversation. I had just assumed that he had taken her home that night because I know full well that just because she thought he was an asshole when we were together wouldnt stop her from trying to hook up with him. And, besides thinking that he'd sleep with anyone who just paid attention to him, what better way to get back at me than to have sex with someone he thought I was still friends with? You really can tell how much I thought of him during the breakup. Granted, I only had how he treated me when we were together to go by.

As far as myself and this girl? I really havent talked to her since finding out about that night, which was over a year ago, and I found out only a couple of days afterwards. Part of me kind of felt bad about pretty much writing her off as far as being a friend, because part of me wanted to believe that what I heard was simply rumor, but having it confirmed (without me bringing it into conversation) killed all of that. Its about respect, and there's lines you dont cross. The fact that for a long time before I ended it, she had wanted me to break up with him because she knew how he treated me, and then to go ahead and flirt with him at a bar after the breakup is just one of those lines. I cant be friends with people when there's no respect there.