So its one thing to take him to someone's house and have him run inside for a few minutes to buy weed, but its something completely different to pick up some guy from the sidewalk downtown, and drive around the block while they make their transaction. That's a drug deal. I find it amusing now, but at the time I had anxiety because its almost as bad as when I accompanied my brother to pull up to some guy's truck in a parking lot and exchange $20 for a bag of illegal cigarettes. I love where I live.
Its been a fairly miserable week otherwise. Thursday he got hurt pretty bad at work (on top of them fucking him over) and I had to rush in to take him to the ER and get checked out. Mark him out of commission. Friday I was forced to spend the afternoon in a car with my mother, which left me feeling worthless and crying the rest of the day. He and I did stop in and see Corrine at work though, which was fun, and he bought a Wii. Saturday, again, Mother had me in tears all day, and combine that with him being cranky and irritable and sensitive because of the pain from his foot and I had a miserable night sleeping over and I cried myself to sleep as he snored next to me. By the time I got home Sunday from spending the afternoon visiting Marilou and Chris I was absolutely exhausted. Between spending the entire weekend crying, and having driven a total of like three hours that day I was spent.
I've spent enough time living with someone who has a chronic pain condition that I understand that when you're in a lot of pain you're cranky and irritable and sensitive, but it just felt like we were reliving our previous relationship all over again. I was depressed and upset, but I was too afraid to say anything to him for fear of inadvertently saying something that would set him off, which of course made me to feel worse. Combine that with his difficulty walking, and his room had that all too familiar smell of cigarettes and weed. The only difference this time was that he wasnt looking me in the face and telling me that he didnt do drugs.
Despite having an awesome day Monday with Corrine and Jill, its safe to say that by Tuesday I was a mess. We werent even actually fighting, we were just both on edge, him from the pain and me from the stress of everything. It didnt help that I was told by a friend that a girl I used to work with was mouthing off saying that before long he'll cheato on me again because "he always cheats on all of his girlfriends". (Note: when you fake pregnancies, you really have no place gossiping about other people) Im sure spending the evening apart is what did us a world of good. I had a relapse, but then I called him and for the first time in almost a week I felt better. The stress that had been sitting on my shoulders, keeping me on the edge of crying, was finally gone. We spent the whole day together today and it was awesome. Im spending the night tomorrow, but then Friday starts preparations for the party, and Saturday Im getting a well deserved drunk on.
{Thursday, November 22}
Will you be my thousand fucks?
