This is so me its creepy.

I went and saw The Number 23 tonight with Kelly G and Ryan (great movie, by the way) and there was this one scene where this song was playing and it just caught me, and I asked the girls if they knew it and Ryan said that she had it home, but couldnt remember the name of it at that moment. After the movie was over we stayed through the credits to find out, it was Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge. When I got home I downloaded it and man is it ever a great song (although I swear I know it from somewhere other than that movie). The beat is fantastic! This is the perfect "fuck to" song, the tone of the song arouses me, and the beat would be very easy to get a good rhythm to. I really want to fuck somebody with this song playing in the background. Talk about hot. Plus, how hot would it be to have a guy actually grab me by the hair and tell me he wants me to tear me apart? I get all out of gear just thinking about it. I like it rough, what can I say?

Oh, and I heard the best news today! The loser that I dated for four years? Well apparently he's moved home now, and is (get this) working in the food court in the mall. *giggle* At least he's doing well for himself. Gee, I couldnt even type that with a straight face.

I havent sat and posted anything meaningful in ages. I dont know why exactly, I just havent had the ambition to do so. I dunno, I just feel different I suppose. Different how, I can hear you wondering. I dont know, its hard to put my finger on. I think Im still dealing with the remnants of being fucked with at the beginning of January. Im over him, dont get me wrong, but I'd be lying if I said that I didnt have some insecurity left. And some obvious trust issues. I've settled contentedly back into single life, and I dont miss him at all, but part of me still wishes I had a boy to spend time with. A boy to hang out with and share things. I dont think I need love right now. I mean, we all dream of having it. If you've never heard the song Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's, you should*. I want a boy to love me like that. I want a boy to feel like that about me. I think I've dealt with enough bullshit to deserve it. I deserve to have a boy who genuinely makes me happy, and who genuinely fancies me in return. I dont need love, I'll settle for something casual and fun right now. I just want something honest and real. Im tired of games, and some days I get so frustrated with it all.

I am insecure about my appearance. I have a complex about my weight. Although Im not obese by any means, and I wear *normal* sized clothes, Im still overweight and its all I see when I look in the mirror. I just see fat. Realistically I realize that its doubtful other people see me the way I see myself. We all have our own insecurities, no matter what we look like, and Im not special in that regard. But there are some things which, no matter what we're told, we will never cease to believe. Im probably coming off as if Im really hard on myself, which Im not. Im fairly contented, or at least I've convinced myself that I am. I think I've been too busy patching up what's on the inside to really worry about what's going on on the outside. Although, I never leave the house without my face painted, and I still buy at least one new article of clothing each pay period. I have purchased eight pairs of jeans since October. Is that a lot? Regardless, I can see my appetite slipping away again. It isnt something I do on purpose, and I cant force myself to eat. Its the direct result of stress in my life, and my body doesnt deal well with stress.

Even as Im typing this out its all hitting me and Im sitting here crying. Im the one person who pretty much runs this house and Im still treated like nothing more than a common servant and as much as I try not to let it bring me down, sometimes those things just cannot be helped. You should know me well enough to know that I bottle everything up. I've always lived like "If I dont think bad things, bad things wont happen", so everything gets filed and put away until I have a meltdown and it all comes crashing down. Im a master procrastinator and that only gets worse when I get down on myself. I start to sabotage things, not on purpose even though I know I do it. I cant explain the why in that, its just one more thing to prove that I really should be getting help.

*I can even hook you up via MSN messenger if you provide an address.

I find a boy with a mohawk sexy. A boy with a hoop in his lip makes me drool. Let him have a job, a vehicle, and a place to live, and we have a winner. Oh, and if he doesnt have musical talent, no way. I've decided Im going to be shallow like that.

I havent forgotten that I promised The Terminator story, I just havent had the time to create a visual for it, and I cant do it half assed.

Something tells me, if a comedian on an American awards show were to refer to a member of the current governing political party as an "arse-licker of Satan", there might be bit of a media backlash. Not so here in Canada, and I love it!

However, Newfoundland and Labrador comedian Mary Walsh referred to the federal Conservatives as 'the arse-lickers of Satan' before introducing a performer.

The cameras then focused on Foreign Affairs Minister Peter MacKay, who had committed a faux pas earlier in the evening, when he mistakenly referred to Halifax as Toronto.

He drew a chorus of boos and was ribbed about it throughout the night.

Did you watch Grey's Anatomy tonight? For the second week in a row I screamed out loud at the end of the show. When *you know what* happened. I dont know if my heart can take this, and I dont know how Im going to pass the next week away until the next episode.

In other news, my internet is working. A coworker of my brother's gave him a router she didnt need anymore so we're good to go now. I heart the internet!

Also today (Thursday) is somebody's birthday (or so I just found out). Somebody older than me. Heh.

The story of The Terminator (or: The Winners I Work With) shall come tomorrow if I have ambition.

So my router at home finally died, so my lack of posting can be attributed to my lack of internet. Fun. As Im too poor to buy a new router until I get paid again in a week, I will just have to suffer until then. Im not hardcore enough to fight over the connection to the DSL router. If I cant have my wireless, I can wait. Wow, I cant believe I actually typed those words.

Nonetheless, its too akward to really type anything of substance here at work, and there's too many people that hover around my desk. So you'll have to wait for the story of The Terminator ;)

Its the random conversation that makes it all worthwhile. Yes it made me laugh out loud.

Corrine says: lets hate her
.jenna. says: lets!
Corrine says: yay!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I've had my labret pierced for probably two and a half years now, and tonight was the first time I ever ventured into hoop territory. Im a tad self conscious, but I'll let you see.

The drama seems to have worked itself out without me having to intervene, and without bloodshed. Awesome!

If only the savestheday* would quit hoverin around my desk, we'd all be fine.


*A savestheday (a term I made up) is a person who is only a friend when there's drama, in order to be the hero, and then isnt around otherwise. A lot of savestheday type of people are nothing more than troublemakers who create drama in order to make themselves look good, or take the spotlight. I think we all know someone like this. I happen to know a few.

ARRGH@! RAAAAH!!!! a;lhtfawo;itfhasoifhasghas;klgha;klfhas;klfhsalkfjklasjfsalfj

Sorry, I've had it up to here with drama lately. I despise being involved in drama, I had enough of my own goddamn drama throughout the month of January that I really dont want to be dragged in the middle of someone else's drama, but I really dont see there being a way to avoid that happening. Not in this situation.

Days like this I understand why people cut themselves.

So this week I had a minor issue major crisis where my iTunes wouldnt update my iPod since I upgraded to Vista. It took quite a lot of troubleshooting actually, but my issue is now fixed. Im sure you can see me grinning from wherever you're sitting.

Some days I still feel as angsty as I did when I was eighteen years old.

Sometimes I wish I could go back there and just start again. Do it all over from there. Maybe then I wouldnt feel like such a failure.

See? Angst.

Snow is the devil. Let that be known.