So Im at that stage in my pregnancy where there's not much of anything going on. Everything happens mostly in the first and third trimesters, and all that really happens in the second is that you start getting bigger. I have yet to start to really show, so I have myself convinced that something's gone wrong. I cant bring it up to him because he just gives me the "Oh dont worry about it" line, which, the only thing that could irritate me more would be if he were patting me on the head while he said it. He might not like it, but I've always been a pessimist. I panic and I freak out and I convince myself that the worst possible scenario is what is going to happen, that way Im fully prepared to deal with the worst. And if Im prepared for the worst, Im prepared for anything. That's how I am and its how I've always been. If I get my hopes up, Im just setting myself up for a let down, and in this situation, if Im blindsided by something bad, I dont think I could even begin to describe the heartbreak. I mean, really, I have yet to hear the heartbeat, and my ultrasound isnt until another two weeks, so Im laying low until then. Until I have tangible evidence that everything is fine, Im going to prepare for the worst, regardless of what anyone else says.
But, assuming that this pregnancy is going to result in an infant, we have to consider things like names and such. Im a snot (there could be a period right there, but I'll keep going) when it comes to names. I was the only Jenna in my class, ever. Throughout all of my school years, there wasnt a Jenna in my class, or any of the grades above or below me for a few years. I think there was a Jenna in my brother's grade, but he's four years younger. I dont want to give my child a name that he/she will share with fifteen other people in their school. The boy name that I adored, was used by a cousin a few years back, so that's off of my list. My boyfriend is already after talking me out of all of the other boy names that I loved. We tossed around names for a while and he suggested a boy name that's alright. Im not head over heels about it, but it'll do I guess. I liked it better when it was originally brought up than I do now, but whatever. Everybody already knows what it is, but no Im not going to announce it here because Im someone who feels that name choices are personal and should be kept private until the time comes, but whatever I guess. We'll probably end up using that name, assuming its a boy (which everyone already is assuming).
To answer your question, no we're not discussing girl names. For years I've always known what name I would give a daughter, and even now that Im pregnant and actually have to contemplate these things, there are still no other names that I would use on a girl. None. Im serious, I have one girl name, and that's it. Well, no, I have a name that I would use for a second daughter, but I would have to use the two names in that particular order. So, he decided that my name wasnt an option, and that was upsetting enough, but if we'd try and discuss it he'd just insult it, and the whole thing would end up with me in tears. And I could have maimed him when he told me that he actually told someone what my name was, guys just dont get that part of it. Nonetheless, I put my foot down and decided that we simply cannot have a girl because she would not have a name.
Hi, my name is Jenna and Im hormonal.
Im going to tell you a secret, pregnant women are raving lunatics. Raving lunatics. See, I even stressed it for you. You really dont want to get on the bad side of a woman who is pregnant. Its starting to be evident in the severe road rage that I now get. I think it has to do with the combination of the hormones, and the fact that we get to spend most of a year being poked and prodded and weighed and measured like a prize heifer. Im tired all of the time, I spend twelve hours of my day in my bed. While I dont look pregnant, most of my clothes are getting snug and I just feel fat. I havent wanted to have sex in ages, because, hey, Im exhausted and fat. And hormonal. The hormones could probably be blamed for the lack of sex drive too. Dont take that to mean that I dont want him touching me, on the contrary, I crave physical intimacy that isnt sexual. He, on the other hand, has a very hard time with being physically intimate and it not get sexual. Maybe my sex drive will come back at some point, I've heard it does, with a vengeance. Until then, Im going to go snuggle myself to sleep.
{Tuesday, May 6}
The auto save is starting to get annoying.
