I only just found out that today is Humbug Day, and its rather fitting since I realized only today that Im spending a lot of my energy trying to stave off a bout of holiday depression. I hate the Christmas season in general mostly due to the pressure put on people to get the best gifts and whatnot. Combine this with being expected to have the house and baking done all by myself puts a lot on my shoulders. I mean, in some ways I dont mind it, but having a little help would be awesome. We spent the last week and a half getting the floors done, and nobody but me has made an attempt to put anything other than the large pieces of furniture away. Dont even get me started on decorating. Apparently someone has stolen all of our tree lights and decorations because I went looking for them in the only place we keep such things, and they're nowhere to be found, so I have a few decorations up in the house and a bare spruce tree sitting in a stand in the living room.
I only clued in today about what the main root of my severe insecurities this year, and I think I have to actually get past that point before I can be over it. I mean, its not that Im pining over anything, but its making me look at my current situation and combine the two, leaving me with this silent panic going on. I think its whats making me drive myself crazy sorting through old baggage to the point where I just sit and sob for no real reason other than stress. Im exhausting myself, and Im sure I'll burn out sometime soon.
For someone who doesnt have faith, its hard not to be amused when I read the description of my astrological sign and realize that it describes me perfectly. Im a stereotype, yay?
{Friday, December 21}
I think I thought I saw you try
