So Facebook did it again. It made another guy Im broken up from message me out of the blue. I got this today from the guy who dumped me on New Year's Eve:

I'm sorry for flipping out. Anything that may negatively affect my relationship with *the baby* kills me. Unfortunately, *baby momma* is not one to trust and she has in the past stopped me from seeing him for just about no reason at all.

I've realized that you actually had a great affect on me. I was a fool. Anyway, if you want to talk, just reply. If not, it's fine.

Had a great affect on him? C'mon now, does he really think Im going to fall for that kind of bullshit, five months later. Jesus.

Drawing a collective breath
I could cry myself to death
And wash this all away
In a flash you were gone
Leaving me a couple of songs
That I listen to everyday

And I don't even care
That you were so unfair
I worshipped one time at your feet
Save up our tears
Catalogue all our fears
Give into the stretching years

Your words hit me just last night
When I saw it with the after sight
What was on your mind
It's too late to ever change
Things go a little bit strange
You were too far behind

And the reasons I have to live
Are the reasons that you would give
To throw it all away
Save and freeze up our tears
Catalogue all our fears
Give into the stretching years
But that's O.K.

And I don't even care
That you were so unfair
I worshipped one time at your feet
Never heard what was said
All nerve ends are dead
Tinitus ringing in my head

Save and freeze up our tears
Catalogue all our fears
Give into the stretching years
Drown in my tears
Succumb to my fears
Give into the stretching years

But that's O.K.
I'm not O.K. 

The worst is when Im just sitting home chilling and a wave of sadness rolls over me and for no reason I just start crying. Tonight, not only am I crying, but I just want to vomit* and make it all go away.

*I dont want to start letting myself vomit it all away. I recognize that its one of the ways I used to self-harm when I was really messed up a few years ago. I dont want to go back there.

I might have made it out, and had a good time, but now that Im home my head is all foggy or something. Im not dizzy, but Im not right either. I really cant wait for whatever it is that I have to pass.

It might indicate a problem when the girl wakes up after being sick in bed, unable to eat, for two whole days and her first thought isnt "Ew, when was the last time I brushed my teeth?", but in face "I wonder if I lost any weight?".

If there was a scale in this house I'd drive myself foolish.

Nonetheless, I think Im almost over the worst sickness I've had in ages. Wednesday morning I woke up at 8am sharp to powerpuke all of the undigested food in my stomach from the night before (food which should have long been digested, btw). I hardly ever vomit. Like, before Wednesday, I hadnt thrown up since December of 2006, and I cant recall vomiting prior to that since maybe May of 2004. Obviously something was wrong. It was bad. All of Wednesday was spent stuck in bed. I couldnt remain vertical for very long before getting dizzy, I had fever, and I couldnt eat or even drink anything without it very quickly exiting my body. My entire body was sore and I had a terrible headache on top of it.

Thursday, I still felt like ass, but not nearly as bad as the day before. I could at least get up and shower, and sit upstairs for a while with the dogs, and try some soup broth. I was still sick, but not as completely wasted as I was on Wednesday.

Today I woke up feeling better ...until I tried to eat half a sandwich, which kept my digestive system cursing me the entire day. Obviously Im not ready for food yet, but I was somewhat dehydrated so I had some Gatorade and fixed that. Im really hoping that tomorrow I'll be okay to shop in the afternoon and adventure in the evening. We shall see.

Best line I've heard/read in a while:

i have a job with the government and i am still more punk than you

Okay, dont tell anybody, but I actually like a Country music song. There's just something about the song Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood that is pleasing to my ears. As Marilou put it "Its a good fuck you song". Although, it wont ever beat You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette, or even Angels Fuck and Devils Kiss by Jack Off Jill.

Somedays its like Im just keeping up a facade to please everyone else. Its a lot of pressure to be this person, to not disappoint everybody.

.jenna. (shower) says: ahhh clean
Amanda says: yay
.jenna. says: im still somewhat naked, and all wet though
Amanda says: just the way i like you lol
.jenna. says: rawr
Amanda says: hahaha