So, a couple of weeks ago, after I found out through sources that Frankie (my most recient ex) had gotten back with his baby momma, I emailed one of his friends to find out if he knew if there was anything going on behind my back, or whatever. I would have completely respected if he told me that he just didnt want to get involved, and I really didnt ask a whole lot of him, I never asked him to poke around for information and whatnot. I played it right. That was really the only conversation that we had about Frankie. We still talked, all the time, but we talked about random shit. I'll be honest, I'd hit this guy in a heartbeat. I think he's attractive, he's awesome to talk to, and he's a riot to drink with. He was one of the guys that we hung out last weekend, and the girls really wanted me to make a move. Obviously I didnt, and probably would have regretted it if I had, but things were cool. We talked all the next day and whatnot.
Anyway, cue Wednesday, and for some reason I decide to tell *guy* that my friends wanted me to hook up with him. Im not sure why I even brought it up to begin with, but both said that because of the whole "friend's ex" and "ex's friend" thing it would just be weird. What's funny, was as much as I want him, I wasnt let down at all when he said he couldnt hook up with a friend's ex, maybe because he didnt word it like he didnt like me like that, but because it was the other fella standing in the way. So we were still talkin about that when Frankie goes up to this guy's desk to talk and sees him on IM talking to me, and it was said what we were talking about it, and *guy* was getting a big kick out of it.
Frankie called me that night. He gave me all the "I still have feelings for you, blah blah blah" crap and I asked him flat out what he wanted. He said he wanted me. So, I had the choice of playing it out, or telling him to fuck off. Whether you think Im an idiot or not, I knew that I had to play it out, no matter what happened, to get the closure I needed. I asked him flat out if he wanted to try again, and he said that he did. So that was that. I asked Rin how she felt, because I needed to talk to her about it before I went to bed. I also asked *guy* if he thought I was retarded for considering going back with fuckface, since he knew fuckface better than my girlfriends. He told me no, he didnt think I was retarded for it.
Thursday, after my training class, I went up to visit Frankie at his desk like he asked me to, and things were fine. That night he left early from work because he was sick and called me and talked to me for hours, and it was like it used to be. Mind you, I still wasnt putting both feet forward, but I was letting it play out because I needed it. He asked me to go out and play pool with him on Saturday. I told him yes, on one condition, that he told her, because I wasnt going to sneak around. Friday came, and I went to visit him after training again, and when I was leaving he told me to email him that night. I emailed him, and four hours later there was no response. I emailed him a second time, and still got no response. All the while, I kept thinking, if I were to email *guy* he'd respond in a few minutes. I started to second guess myself and wonder if this was what I wanted at all. Because, at this point, I know that I like *guy* a lot more.
Saturday rolls around, and I get a phone call from Frankie about half past one in the afternoon. Its pretty much the same phone call I got from him on New Year's Eve. To tell you the truth, I wasnt all that surprised, but I did get upset with him on the phone that he could build me up again like that just to do the same thing. Why bother in the first place? Rin wasnt online, so I message the Kellys with the news. I also messaged *guy* to tell him, because I was already after asking him if he thought Frankie was sincere, or just doing it because he found out that *guy* and I talked on IM. We had a big ole conversation about how, putting it in perspective, the only reason I got the phone call on Wednesday night was because Frankie didnt like the idea of me moving past him, and he was threatened by this friend talking to me. It wasnt at all about Frankie wanting me back, but just keeping me from being available to anybody else.
So Im done with Frankie. Its been played out, and Im finished completely and can now walk away with no real regrets. I have decided that his performance this week was pathetic and childish, and he's not worth holding myself back from being with anybody because of him. Ex's friend or not, I would so hook up with *guy* in a heartbeat. And something he said yesterday struck me, Wednesday he said he couldnt go with a friend's ex, but then yesterday he said that Frankie was only kinda a friend "more like a work buddy". The Kellys think that means he's putting feelers out there, but Im just as contented to move along as we're going. He's a great guy, and Im glad that I can at least say that his friendship was the one good thing to come out of this mess.
{Sunday, January 21}
Oh, drama.
