I've been awake twenty-one hours and counting. I dont want to sleep. Once I lay down and close my eyes Im going to start thinking about it, and thinking about it will only bring the tears back. I want it back. I want it all back. I've never felt so desperate and pathetic in all of my life. I make fun of people like this, and here I am, one of them.
Corrine rescued me for a little while, but I just couldnt stay sitting on her couch crying so I came home. When I came in my father started talking to me and I realized that I just couldnt be at home yet so I took the car and went up to Kim's where she and Janice were waiting. I was still so detached from what was going on that the New Year didnt mean all that much. I left shortly after that and came home. I know everybody cares about me and means well, but right now Im too raw to be social.
When I came home Molly came downstairs with me and has been laying on her bed over in the corner the entire time I've been sitting in bed watching episodes of Dexter that I have downloaded. She's not a cuddly dog, but knowing she's in the room, hearing her snoring is comforting nonetheless. Like, even when Im alone there's someone looking out for me.
I want to wake up tomorrow and for it all to be what it was. I want it back.
{Monday, January 1}
I had been warned that 25 would be the worst year of my life..
