Its hitting me in stages. Im finally starting to feel rage now, at the whole situation. I'll be honest, I resent him. I resent him for everything he did to me and everything he put me through. I've ranted on all of that in the past, so there's no point in rehashing it. What's getting to me now is that not only did he take advantage of me (physically AND emotionally), but he took advantage of everybody. My mother treated him better than his own mother did most times, and he had the nerve to trot back to university and fuck some other chick. He had the nerve to say to me "No *name edited* and I are long over, I chose you over her a long time ago" when I questioned him about it when I had suspicions. I remember telling him that it felt like he was just keeping me around to have someone to fuck when he came home for the weekend, and looking back, that's what I was.
And its not like she didnt know about me, so she has no right to play victim at this point. Having sex with a guy you know is in a "committed" relationship is just as bad as cheating on your partner. The only redeming factor would be for her to give the whole story. I might respect her then. It honestly sickens me that people could do this type of thing to other people and be able to live with themselves in the aftermath. I might not be religious, but I fucking well have morals (probably more so than other so called religious people). Like, how does one decide "You have a girlfriend but I'll fuck you anyway because you're obviously such a stellar guy". How can someone justify that? I really want these questions answered. I want to know when it started, and how it came about that they agreed to fuck each other behind my back. There's no point in trying to hide it now.
The only thing helping me get through the various emotions is going around and telling everybody what he did (and do I ever mean EVERYBODY), from The Internet to everybody on my messenger list, to everybody I talk to at work, to my family and all of my brother's friends. And luckily one of my friends has a boyfriend who works at one of the bars in town, and she knows all of the staff and whatnot. As far as I know he's cheated on every girlfriend he's had (at least two out of three), and I want people to know what kind of top notch individual this guy is.
{Sunday, September 10}
I never really loved you but Im pretty when I lie.
