- Dress appropriately for your age. I dont care if you're a size 4 when you're 50 years old. Unless you work out constantly every day and have a rock hard body, you've gotten squishy and nobody wants to see you in your bikini or belly shirt. Also, if you remember the first time that trend was popular, and it was before your kids were born, you have no right to partake in it the second time around. Pass it on to the next generation, you look foolish.
- Dress appropriately for your size. If you should be wearing an XL but are still trying to squeeze yourself into a M, stop it. If you would just wear the damn XL you wouldnt look so revolting. If you have a belly, do not wear short tops. Trust me, we do not want to see that much skin. If you have a belly and plan to wear something tight, please, please, suck in. Your abs look like that because you do not exercise them. If you're squeezing your rolls into a regular size XL, and you should be shopping in a plus size store, shop in the plus size store. There is nothing wrong with being big if you dress yourself accordingly. Dressing in clothes that are too small just tell us you have no sense of style. The reverse is true about wearing clothes that are too big.
- Wear a bra that fits and provides proper support. You may say that is easier said than done when you have small breasts, true. But there is no excuse to be bubbling over the top of your brassier, or having your breasts hanging down by your belly button. Go to a dress shop and have them fit you properly for a bra, and spend the extra money. Your breasts will thank you.
- Hide your bra straps. Bras come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and styles, take advantage of this. Do not wear a regular bra if you plan on wearing a t-back, halter, or bandeau top, it looks stupid (this can be forgiven if you are wearing said combo under a sweater). Do not wear a bra with straps that are wider than that of your tanktop. If you are going to wear a spaghetti strap tanktop, match your bra either to your skintone, or the color of the shirt. They do sell bras with clear straps, and bras with no straps at all. Please go to WalMart and spend $10 to not look silly.
- Do not wear long socks with shorts. This one applies to guys especially. Shorts look best with sandals, end of story. If you are not partial to sandals, sneakers may be worn with low socks only. They do make those for guys, trust me. Please, do not wear socks all the way up your shins if you are going to wear shorts. If your legs need to be covered, that is what full pants are for.
- Socks with sandals are never okay. NO! BAD! This makes me want to throw rocks at the offending individual. Just talking about it makes me shudder.
- Crocs. This is probably the biggest offender. If you wear Crocs that do not match your outfit, take them off and wear different shoes. Do not wear yellow Crocs with a fuscia tshirt. Do not wear lime green Crocs with a blue tshirt. Do not wear Crocs that do not match what you are wearing. There is a reason I own 18 pairs of flip flops, and it is so that my shoes will wear the rest of my clothes. Besides the fact that Crocs are big and gaudy anyway, there's no need to make yourself look like a clown by mismatching them with the rest of your clothes. Also, if you wear socks with your Crocs, I may or may not be able to resist the urge to stab you.
{Thursday, August 3}
This is why I shouldnt be allowed outside.
Despite being a wonderful person, I admit, Im not perfect. I criticize people. Frequently, but for good reason. There are some people who should not be allowed to dress themselves. I've compiled a list of the just a few of the most common offenders. Please dont fall under one of these categories.
