In case you havent noticed, I tend to post more when Im not all angsty and depressed. Its not that I feel the need to hide anything, because if anything, I do all my hiding in person (Im very good at pretending everything is a-okay). I just wanted to explain that Im battling a lot of demons right now (new and old). My self-esteem issues with my physical appearance have reared its ugly head again. When I look in the mirror Im repulsed by what stares back at me. Its no wonder I always attract guys who are on the rebound, or have otherwise low self esteem, Im not the girl that gets noticed from across the room, and most days I wish I was.
I do not have a good home life, and never have. Growing up here was not exactly happy, and getting older just gives me the maturity to open my eyes and see the situation for what it is, and always was. This is a very difficult thing for me to deal with. Even more difficult, is the realization last night that I am, indeed a failure. YouTube helps me forget this stuff for a little while though.
Im debating switching to the new beta version of Blogger. I cant change it back if I dont like it. Change makes me nervous.
I just learned that my stat counter has integrated with Google Maps. Now I dont have to manually look up where you people are viewing from, its right there. This pacifies me for now.
{Tuesday, August 22}
Ever wish you were still four years old?
