I think that Im very unphotogenic. I see photos of me and I cringe and think "Is THAT how other people see me?". Im uncomfortable getting my photo taken. I avoid it like the plague. Well, most times. I can take my own pictures using the desktop's webcam, and I might like a handful of the snapshots out of the dozens that I take. Im probably coming off like I think that Im ugly. I dont think that Im ugly. I've always thought of myself as fat, but never ugly. I dont like to look at myself in photographs, but I like to look at myself in the mirror. I cant pass a mirror without looking at myself. If I can, I'll stop and fix my hair, or adjust my clothes, or turn around and check out my ass. I look at myself in the mirror and think I look great. I can make myself look absolutely beautiful in my own eyes. Or, at least, convince myself that I am. The weird thing though, is lately I look in the mirror and actually like what I see below my neck. I doubt I've been working out long enough for it to have really made a difference, but in my head I see one. I see a flatter tummy that looks better in clothes. I think my ass looks even better in the pants that I own. It doesnt bother me that I have large thighs. Or small breasts. Or that Im short. I've got more confidence now to wear things that I wouldnt have worn before. And I have this confidence without a having a guy sweet talking me. I like this. I really like this. I might still be overweight, but I dont feel insufficient anymore. The best part about this is that I dont need to be with someone to feel like this. And I love the fact that I know I dont need to be with someone to have confidence in myself. I love who I am right now. I love the people in my life right now. Im single and Im happier with myself than I ever have been. I cant believe this turned into a gush-fest. If Im coming off as being vain, that's alright, Im selfish too.

1 Comments:

 furmommy said...

im the same way. I hate how i look in pictures except for maybe a handful even though i think i look good in person.

Im a mirror whore. I look at myself in the mirror all the time. I think it came with the confidence that i slowly gained after i graduated. I made peace with myself. I accepted what i couldnt change and changed what needed to change.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 12:08:00 p.m.  

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