its all a beautiful blur











{Sunday, April 27} Someday I'll go into detail about The Hormones.
This is exactly what my hormonal ass should not be reading, but I managed to make it through the whole article without crying. I then started to read his blog, and Im now hysterical in tears.

Dont even get me started on the episode of A Baby Story where the lady ended up dying of cancer shortly after her baby was born.


{Wednesday, April 23} .
So, as of right now, there is a total of six girls on my Facebook who are also pregnant. Four of them are from my graduating class. Im wondering if there's something in the water.

I was given a date for my ultrasound, I go on May 21st, which also happens to be my boyfriend's birthday. He's excited. I was hoping it would get me out of buying him a present, but no such luck.


{Monday, April 21} Sleep soon? Maybe?
I miss sleeping. Its been at least a month since I last had a full night's sleep. Normally what happens is that I can fall asleep fairly quickly, but I only get to sleep about five hours before I need to get up and pee. Once that happens Im screwed. No way am I getting back to sleep. Tonight, however, I just cant get to sleep at all. Dont get me wrong, Im super tired and was fighting off sleep all evening, but when I finally did crawl to bed, I cant get comfortable. Now Im wide awake. Wonderful.

So I guess since its after midnight, its safe to say that Im now 14 weeks pregnant. Now that Im officially into my second trimester (only six months until baby) I was hoping that the fatigue would go away, but I suppose with the not sleeping at night anymore, I really wont be able to tell. At least my boobs arent super sore and sensitive all day, every day. The odd day they'll be a little tender, but for the most part they're fine now. And the couple of weeks that I spent queasy didnt last. My stomach is fine throughout the day, although I've lost any joy that I once had in cooking. I just cant plan a meal any earlier than the morning of, and even then its a stretch.

On the upside, Im getting a belly. Well, I already had a belly, but Im getting a bit of a baby belly. Corrine and Marilou had noticed one two weeks ago, and when my mother made the big announcement, one of her aunts pointed out that she thought I looked "a little fuller in that area" the last time she had seen me. Which was at Easter. I just wasnt seeing it though, at least not until Friday when I got up. I kept asking my boyfriend whether or not he thought I had a bump as well, but he was hesitant to answer the question since he was risking tears either way. On one hand, as he pointed out, he could say that I didnt look any different, and have me upset that I didnt. On the other hand, he could say that I did look bigger and have me risk thinking he was calling me fat. I've gotta give him credit, sometimes he knows when he should think about what he says before he says it. He didnt actually notice a difference until he was performing oral sex on me and looked up and could no longer see my face from that vantage point.

But I can say that as of Thursday I had not gained any weight since I had seen the nurse the week before. In the meantime I had to provide samples for the standard prenatal blood and urine testing, all of which came back perfect, and apparently I have a superhuman immunity level toward measels. Which is good, I guess. That means the baby should be born immune as well I would imagine. At my appointment, she tried to do a pap, but only got as far as doing the swabs, because she couldnt actually find my cervix to do the pap. Im sure you're wondering where the hell my cervix would be hiding, but see, one of the fun things they dont tell you about pregnancy is that, to prep your vagina or whatever, your body starts this fun new discharge. Mine was blocking my cervix, so the nurse decided she'd leave that part until I see the doctor who will be taking care of my pregnancy from now on.


{Friday, April 11} Secrets tire me.
Its positive.

Yup, Im pregnant.


Take a moment to absorb that.


Okay, ready? Im about twelve and a half weeks and my estimated due date is October 20th. I've actually known about it for a couple of weeks now, but we're not rushing out to tell everyone all at once. We're taking our time with that, letting a few people know at a time, starting with those closest to us and now we're gradually allowing those people to tell people, etc. Im tired of it being a huge secret and while Im not going to be making any big announcements on Facebook or anything, Im going to update my own friggin blog.

So, I didnt think anything of it when I got my "period" five days early in February (only that it conveniently ruined my boyfriend's Valentine's Day, dang), and was more spotty than anything. A couple of weeks later, when my boobs filled in, I started to wonder. They were sore, but not the same tender they normally were when I was ovulating or PMSing, it was different. And then I started peeing constantly. I mean, when my mother and I had to go to the city, I peed more than she did on the entire trip, and she only has one kidney. Also, my period was due during that trip, but I wasnt surprised at all that I didnt get it. When I came home he and I discussed it and he made me wait until early the next week before getting home tests. You have no idea how long that weekend was! Although, it was once we got home that the fatigue set in, and hasnt left yet. I need a full eight hours at night, and then another two hours after I get up and pee first thing in the morning, and then I need to lay down on the couch at some point in the afternoon just to rest. Who knew making a person was so exhausting?

So my period was officially a full week late, and we made the trek into the Wal*Mart to buy pee sticks. I could tell he was nervous, and offered to go to another pharmacy, that might not be so populated, but he said no, we were going there and getting them and leaving. Okay, fine. He stood around awkwardly while I picked out which particular stick I wanted to pee on (and I got a 2 pack just to be sure), and then we walked up to the pharmacy counter to pay for it. The pharmacist saw me coming and, recognizing me, ran over and got my mother's prescriptions assuming that was what I was going for. No, but we'll take them anyway.

So when the time came for me to actually pee on the stick, he hovered around the bathroom door, Im not sure why, but I dont normally care for an audience while I pee. The instructions were to pee on it for five seconds only and then lay it down flat, and you'd get a result within two minutes. I peed on it for the five seconds, and then laid it down, and before I was even finished peeing it was showing a plus. I was not the least bit surprised. He, on the other hand, for some reason got the shock of his life despite me keeping him fully up to date on the changes already going on in my body. I mean, as of right now he hasnt been able to touch my boobs in like a month. Yes, I get a twisted amusement from that, why do you ask?

So the following day, we told my mother. She didnt take very well to the news at first, but since then she's gotten more used to the idea. A few people have also known since then. I must commend Corrine on her awesome secret keeping skills, at least until she wouldnt let me lift a 10lb bag of apples and Nurse Jillian got suspicious. But, up until then she was doing an awesome job, and she still hasnt told her sister or her mother, but we'll have to tell them soon. This week Mom told the girls, because she didnt want them hearing it on the street, and then we told my brother finally. He's terrible with secrets, so we decided to wait a bit before we told him. My boyfriend told his grandmother almost right away, and a few friends and his cousin, but he's yet to tell his mother. I think he's avoiding having to actually tell her, but I've been after him for almost two weeks to do it. Its his issue now. Hopefully she doesnt hear it on the street first.

Anywho, Its time for me to have my normal afternoon lay down. As you can well imagine, there will be updates, since, hopefully, my condition wont be changing drastically anytime soon.


See! See!
Molly

I told you it was out all the time.

I tried to take a video of her snoring, but she woke up and glared at me and then rolled over in a huff.


{Monday, April 7} The tongue, it gets me every time.
Molly

And yes, that's how she sleeps all the time.


its all a beautiful blur

I am a twenty-seven year old Canadian girl. This is my blog.

Skin and tragedy always attract a crowd. (June 18th, 1976 by Pedro the Lion)

I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to.
(Breathe (2am) by Anna Nalick)


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